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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  The Arrival Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 3rd, 2006, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Arrival by Robert Newton - Sci Fi - Scientific researchers STEVEN ANDERSON and MATTHEW GRAY discover a radio signal of extra terrestrial origin. With the help of their contacts within the scientific community, they discern that the signal is being sent deliberately from a massive earth-bound alien spacecraft. 140 pages - pdf, format


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JordanRD
Posted: December 4th, 2006, 3:24pm Report to Moderator
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Your script isn't great but it isn't bad either. Your dialogue is very technical and that part of it is put together well, but the emotional dialogue needs some work.

With the story I think the decisions that were at the presidential councils were made a little too easily and without good enough reason. It just seemed like there was no doubt that they wanted to jump to the attack rather than play defensively before they got started and they never really had good enough cause.

I'm sure that's what you're kind of saying as far as us wanting to shoot first, shoot second and then ask a question or two, but it just felt too easy.

There were some characters halfway through and then again near the end that I think should established just a little earlier on. The NASA pilot i just thought you needed to show him sometime before. That first scene doesn't really tell much about him and for ten or fifteen minutes he and his crew are in charge of the story.

Then I think Sylvia should maybe have a scene or two earlier just so we know who she is. She and a few others are just introduced near the end, get put in some intense environments and we should care about them more than I think people will.

I also think maybe a little more communication with the ETC would help or at least attempted communication because without it then it just seems like an asteroid and the events play out too much like Deep Impact when instead they are dealing with highly intelligent beings.

I've been focusing on the negative but I think if you pay a little more attention to some of the things I've said your script will have some more life and be a little more dramatic.

Jordan.
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RBNewton
Posted: December 5th, 2006, 2:33pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks very much for the feedback Jordan and I really appreciate that you took the time to read the screenplay.

A lot of the thoughts that you put down in your post ar very close to what rolls around in my head after I've had a reading and I'll likely make some changes based on that feedback.

Throughout the writing of the screenplay I've tried not to stray from the main story for the sake of character development, but I think that could be a shortcoming much like you mention. I may try to introduce Sylvia earlier on as having some sort of relationship or past relationship with one of the main characters, and perhaps spend some more time on David before the shuttle mission.

If you have any further thoughts about what worked or what didn't I'd love the feedback.

Regards,
Rob Newton  
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halbert5150
Posted: November 8th, 2007, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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I read your script and I agree with Jordan's comments that it could be more emotionally compelling. Specifically I though you missed a perfect opportunity to introduce the emotional conflicts when Stevan goes home at the first. He should be greeted by a slightly hysterical wife and a very scared daughter. Especially the daughter because thats your first opportunity to suck in the reader. I got sucked in later but not until the ship was crashing. Thats the point I could not put it down at.

The other thing that struck me was when they dived to explore the ETC they only took a giger counter; nobody thought to take a camera. I don't know what radiation does to a digital camera if anything but I hoped at least they could come back with some photo's to study.

I don't agree with Jordan however on the presidents decision to blow the ETC up. I think it should be an even hastier decision more of a knee jerk type decision based on the highly charged fear everyone is going through. Kind of the nuke version of the patriot act.

Hal
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Trent
Posted: November 10th, 2007, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
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This is  similar to the 1996 produced film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115571/

When the astronomer Zane Ziminski (Charlie Sheen) receives signal from a distant star, he reports and gives all the evidences to his chief, Phil Gordian (Ron Silver), and is immediately fired. Zane becomes obsessed to locate the signals again and finds a transmission to the outer space in the same wave from Mexico, and he flies to the place. Meanwhile, the scientist Ilana Green (Lindsay Crouse) is investigating the unexplained raise of the temperature in Third World countries and also goes to Mexico for further research.
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tomson
Posted: November 10th, 2007, 5:43pm Report to Moderator
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Funny thing is that The Arrival was on tv (I hardly ever watch, but...) the other night and I watched for about two minutes because I liked that movie, I was reading posts here at the same time and I quickly scanned a few pages of the script and thought the same thing.
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Oceanwind
Posted: November 7th, 2009, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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Just finished reading and thought I would post my thoughts. (Although this thread is quite old)  after reading Jordans reply though,  well I guess that what I was thinking has already been brought up.
I really enjoyed it though and just wish it was something that could be shot on a small budget
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