SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 10:17am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Waldo and Claire Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Waldo and Claire  (currently 1577 views)
Don
Posted: December 10th, 2006, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Waldo and Claire by Jordan Baker - Action, Drama - At the low point of his career, Waldo Whitman finds himself a companion in the same boots as him. Now they're together the amount of people in their wake shoots up as they're chased by ex-boss's, ex-boyfriend's and federal police. A love story with a hunt, an easily accessible bank vault and an overly suspicious small-town sheriff, ending with guns pointed at everybody. 99 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
JD_OK
Posted: December 10th, 2006, 9:34pm Report to Moderator
New


Newton's Cradle will make you a believer.

Location
Tulsa,OK
Posts
314
Posts Per Day
0.05
I popped this open and I already see alot of rookie mistakes.

Remove all, references to the camera and we hear and we see. get rid of this we can not see. You start off tellin a story like out of a book. script is to be written on what can be seen on screen.

read a few scripts in here that have over 30 replies. Those usually are written in correct form and less distracting of a read. Do not get discouraged alot of us made these same mistakes at our first attempts, because we have seen script PRODUCTION scripts with this info on them. WE HOWEVER are writing SPEC scripts, which should not those things inside.

Good luck with your edit.


Newton's Cradle - action/fantasy, 10th draft 109pgs pdf

IN QUEUE - Comedy - Coming soon!



Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
JD_OK  -  December 10th, 2006, 11:14pm
Logged
Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 1 - 4
JordanRD
Posted: December 10th, 2006, 10:56pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
9
Posts Per Day
0.00
Hey thanks for the advice and sorry.

But just wondering if there was anything else that you read that you liked. If you just scrapped it after the first couple pages then don't worry but I'm interested to hear if you have anything else to say about what you read and I'll get any of those style things corrected.

Thank you, Jordan.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
JD_OK
Posted: December 10th, 2006, 11:19pm Report to Moderator
New


Newton's Cradle will make you a believer.

Location
Tulsa,OK
Posts
314
Posts Per Day
0.05
No, I didnt actually read the story. Me personally I can't get myself to read past the 'rookie' mistakes. its hard for me to get into the story, when I'm told shoots and stuff.

Also most (some will) not read a story without 1st agreeing with the writer to exchange screenplays for feedback.

however Your opening scene is good to peek interests. But has to be reworded majorly. You start naming off character like we have already be introduce to them. 1St intro of chars needs to be capitalized.


Newton's Cradle - action/fantasy, 10th draft 109pgs pdf

IN QUEUE - Comedy - Coming soon!



Revision History (1 edits)
JD_OK  -  December 11th, 2006, 6:15pm
Logged
Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 3 - 4
JordanRD
Posted: December 11th, 2006, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
9
Posts Per Day
0.00
Aside from the very first scene which is the first half of a page I don't think I use too many 'we hear', or 'we see'. It's just with that type of scene there that I needed it to be short and sweet and just there. I don't really introduce those characters at that time because they get introduced later and that whole scene comes back and gets detailed later. Otherwise all the characters are capped with their intros and those characters that are in that first scene all get intros later and are then capped, but I understand that, that might be more unconventional.

But thanks anyways.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006