SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 8:54am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Chao and the Democratic Party Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 9 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Chao and the Democratic Party  (currently 2240 views)
Don
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Chao and the Democratic Party by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Comedy - Chao wants to reach the presidency but depends how democratic can be the democracy. 3 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
dogglebe
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:18pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Helio, I think this constant writing of simple scenes is going to really hurt your credibility on these boards.  The last three or four scripts that I've read of yours were just single scenes of something bigger and it's actually beginning to annoy me.

I do like reading your work, but I wish you would write complete stories, rather than these  little snippets.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 18
Alex J. Cooper
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:23pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Australia
Posts
316
Posts Per Day
0.05
Was this supposed to display diversity in modern culture? It was well wriiten, with the few spelling errors and "Screen Plasma". All your short short have to either be pointless or just have a message i'm not understanding. They certainly do make me think, so you're doing a good job.


Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
Logged Offline
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 2 - 18
chism
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:01am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
What the hell was this? I didn't get anything about this script. I might have liked it if I knew what the hell you were trying to do here, but I just don't get it.

I assume your speech about the presidency is a joke about how the American presidency is still, after two hundred and fifty odd years, limited only to white male men. Not everyone can reach the presidency, someone born in Malaysia cannot be the president of the United States. The speech is so close-minded and niave that it's obviously a little joke on your part.

Yeah I just didn't get it. Am I missing something here?


Cheers, Chismeister.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 18
mcornetto
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 3:22am Report to Moderator
Guest User



I understood what you were saying with this, but not your motivation.  Were you being sarcastic or were you just dreaming - hoping for a better world?  I think you should try to make your motivation a bit clearer.

I do not agree that this is just a scene, it has quite a bit to say and it says it cleverly. Again, understanding your motivation would make this a much more enjoyable script.

You had some clumsy language and some typos, but I'll leave that to others this evening.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 18
michel
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 4:19am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1156
Posts Per Day
0.18
Meu amigo,



If I get it right, you're dreaming of a gay Hispanic future President. Am I right?

In this case I finally gladly find back my Helio though the message is not very clear.

It'd been interesting to know which book Isabel reads. It'd show more of her personality.

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 18
Parker
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 7:19am Report to Moderator
New


Yes

Location
England
Posts
278
Posts Per Day
0.04
Hey Helio, I guess I can see your message here, but only because I've just read through what everyone else has written above me. I think everyone is right, the message needs to be clearer. Try and lengthen these too, 3 pages if that? It's hard to send a serious message to readers in 3 pages.

I was confused at first. There might have been a twist or two in here. I didn't realise Chao was a dude and the whole situation was pretty surreal. Still, nicely written amigo.


I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot.
Logged
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 6 - 18
Helio
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:28pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
Hey guys, first of all I have to thank you all for the comments. I have to say too, I’m in debt with you, because I don’t have to much time to read your stuffs, but I swear I’ll. It has been my f**k book. It was to be released on December’s 2006, but it has entering through out 2007 and nothing yet, darn!

I know that my comments are not great, but I’d like to confess that I have the opportunity to learn with your writing when I read it, so don’t blame when you see that there aren’t any spoilers to read at all when I read your scripts.

Phil, my dear, I don’t say I need your comments, but I can say I want it ever, because you are a smart guy and you have good experience on this business. So what you will say about my shorts I will replay with this: “Continue reading my shorts, Phil!”

Thanks!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 18
George Willson
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

Location
Broken Arrow
Posts
3591
Posts Per Day
0.51

Quoted from chism
someone born in Malaysia cannot be the president of the United States.


That would be because according to the United States Constitution, any president must be a native born American. We've only had one president that wasn't born in the United States: George Washington.

As for it being white males...well, the people decide.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 18
Helio
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
He was English?! So, now I know why you don't want another anymore!!! Hahahaha!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 18
spencerforhire
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
New


Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

Location
Snohomish, WA
Posts
206
Posts Per Day
0.03
Helio -- Hey man I almost missed this one. You changed a name and it worked wonderfully. And... by the way... I absolutely love the edit. Who ever did it keep asking the mystery editor to help out. Great job!

Spencer


I got nothing.  
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 18
Helio
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 7:38am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
Hi MC!

Thanks, man for your reading. I always appreciated your reviews, you know?  I don't know on contary (?)

I changed it a bit and there isn't any misterious editor, man. For this one I had a great enlightment from a guy named Spencer McDonald, a promising screenwriter  that showed me that the characters name are so important. Ask him to help you in that case...Oh, it isn't necessary, is it?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 18
patrickjasonrodriguez
Posted: January 17th, 2007, 1:18am Report to Moderator
New


Tartar sauce!

Location
Bikini Bottom
Posts
27
Posts Per Day
0.00
This reminds me of a romantic-comedy I once saw on the Sundance Channel.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 18
Alfred Hitchcock
Posted: January 19th, 2007, 3:55am Report to Moderator
New


Drama is life with the dull bits left out.

Location
Norway
Posts
208
Posts Per Day
0.03
Never stop writing these sorts of shorts, Helio. They are easy to read and brighten up my day!

Liked this one too. Good twist at the end.


When things go wrong I seem to be bad
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 18
Helio
Posted: January 19th, 2007, 9:04am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

Posts
1284
Posts Per Day
0.19
Thanks for the encouragement, dude! Sometime people around here gets annoyed with this type of script, but there are others that say it is very nice. I'm not 100% of agreement, I know that!...Thanks anyway.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 18
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006