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Helio -- I'm sorry man but this one I didnt get. Probably have to read it twice or three time to really get the meaning. You are deep... DEEP!
Contrary to the above reviewer however, most of your descriptions were well written. After all, we are all trying to get better at our craft one story at a time. Keep writing man. You have a great fan in me, even if I am only an outsider on these boards.
Lets kill em with laughter from here on.
I did find one duplicate. You describe the mixed use woman then several descriptions later you describe her again. This was overkill... for me anyway.
This was a complete story. The telling of the legend of Myles Boucicault. Clearly evident.
However, please spend more time with your first drafts. There were many spelling, grammar, and other language errors. These really detracted from any enjoyment I might have gotten from the reading.
However, please spend more time with your first drafts. There were many spelling, grammar, and other language errors. These really detracted from any enjoyment I might have gotten from the reading.
English is Helio's second language (or maybe fourth). We're lenient toward him in regards to this.
Hmm, it is pretty incomplete, Helio. You did miss Wilson the Volleyball but replaced him with some hot girl, which is okay I guess. She was probably no Wilson though.
As you hopefully could guess, this short reminded me of Cast Away. Only because it was a little slow in parts and some of the actions Myles did were very like the ones seen in Cast Away. Probably that mixed with Pirates of the Caribbean... sorta.
"Vomits gallons of sea water!" Yikes! This made me laugh and almost vomit myself.
I would like to read something a little more complete and something I can say, wow, Helio spent a lot of time on this one, you know? You can write a lot of shorts so quickly and some are good, but I believe if you put your time on one short instead of a few, something great may come of it.
English is Helio's second language (or maybe fourth). We're lenient toward him in regards to this.
I understand that, and I ain't expecting a miracle, but I have seen him do a better job at it. I don't think anyone is doing him any favours by allowing him to slack off or by not urging him to improve.
You grammar is bad in this one. Or is it? I'm sorta thinking it was intentional, but I can't figure out why you'd do that.
Anyway if not then try to use "it's" more and avoid "it is". Also saying (not yelling) "My lord" when a snake jumps at him is.... in all respect to the word: Wierd.
Intentional?
Another thinker...
When things go wrong I seem to be bad But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
I wont comment on the gramer cos its been coverded, so I'll move on.
I don't were you stand on writing things like 'seems alone on the island', thought the word 'seems' was frowned on?
Anyway to the story...mmm. Not to sure if I've got this right but are you implying that because of his bad luck the snake died and not him or when he finally got some good luck, the beautiful girl, he got bad luck and biten by a deadly snake? Oh I don't know!
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
That wasn't intended to be a dig at the regulars on the boards, which I know you are. It was about the people who post a script and are never seen again.
Nice quote though mate..
I thought I had it right about the girl.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Pages: 1
Author
Myles 'Black Cat' Boucicault
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This made me laugh and almost vomit myself.
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