SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 5:36am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Pretend You Are A Robot Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 16 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Pretend You Are A Robot  (currently 1857 views)
Don
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Pretend You Are A Robot by Cindy L. Keller - Short, Comedy - This is what happens when you let my 5 year old use a video camera. 5 pages  - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
greg
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1680
Posts Per Day
0.24
I'm not really sure what to make of this.  I mean this seems like a script from an actual home movie, but then the last 3 pages or so I'm thinking is this Chris kid possessed by the devil or something?  You got him as 5 years old here and he's saying things that 5 year olds don't normally say...well, I take that back, I knew one 5 year old who would use more curse words than I did and he's probably gonna be on America's Most Wanted some day...but yeah, am I over-analyzing this?  Cause you got the dog attacking him at the end...makes me think that there's something wrong with this kid.  And Starr is 11 and you have her mom in her early twenties, which means she gave birth around 10-11 or something?

I think there's a deep meaning here, but I'm just not clearly seeing it.  


Be excellent to each other
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 22
patrickjasonrodriguez
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
New


Tartar sauce!

Location
Bikini Bottom
Posts
27
Posts Per Day
0.00
I agree with Greg about the five-year-old's language -- it's too vulgar; even if this character is based on a real child, it's hard to empathize with the kid. The ending was sort of hard to understand; I originally thought this was going to be a saccharine movie short, something like those old Pac-Bell commericials from the '80s, but then it turned into something weird without any closure. The other stuff like grammar, punctuation and age issues can easily be fixed; it's the plot that needs serious retooling.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 22
CindyLKeller
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Wow! Don got this up pretty quick.

Okay, I'll explain this piece.

This IS a short little film, and I went ahead and wrote the screenplay for.

The story is that Chris started out wanting to use the camera, he used the camera, and how it ended...

Mom was very young when she had Starr (14). Yep, very, very young.

I think Chris got this stuff from Beavis and Butthead. He didn't actually say any bad words even though it was shocking what he did say.

Cindy  


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 22
patrickjasonrodriguez
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
New


Tartar sauce!

Location
Bikini Bottom
Posts
27
Posts Per Day
0.00
Fair enough, Cindy.

But in order for this script to hit me on an existential level, I need to be able answer the questions "What is this movie about?" and "What themes are being presented here?" As it is, I can't answer either one of these. That's not necessarily a knock on your writing ability, I truly don't know. Perhaps I am missing something. So I will ask you, the author, What is the message of this script? Which sort of themes were you trying to introduce?  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 22
CindyLKeller
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 7:27am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
You never know what a kid is going to say or do, and if you give one a video camera, well something bad will probably happen.


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 22
patrickjasonrodriguez
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 11:41am Report to Moderator
New


Tartar sauce!

Location
Bikini Bottom
Posts
27
Posts Per Day
0.00
They say the same thing about Kevin Smith now.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 22
CindyLKeller
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 6:29pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Well, they're being too hard on the guy. He's alright.  


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 22
patrickjasonrodriguez
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
New


Tartar sauce!

Location
Bikini Bottom
Posts
27
Posts Per Day
0.00
You're right. That was rather cruel of me, wasn't it? The original Clerks was cool, and Dogma had a sweet, little moral regarding the arrogance of the Catholic church. In hindsight I should have used M. Night Shyamalan as an example instead. Oh, well. Anyway, we're getting way off topic here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 22
James McClung
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49
This was rather bizarre. I understand this actually happened and the point were trying to make but I just don't think it translates well into screenplay format, let alone film. This isn't a story, it's an incident. Incidents can have narrative but lack direction and film is a medium that runs on direction. So yeah, I appreciate what you were trying to do with this but I just didn't think it worked. Sorry. That's just my opinion.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 22
Abe from LA
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Downey, California
Posts
556
Posts Per Day
0.08
Cindy,

I'm at a loss over this one.  I have to agree with the others.
I just couldn't see the point to all this...  I know it really happened, but as they say, just because it happened doesn't mean it works on the page.  Or on screen.

This is what threw me a curve.  I've read some of your stuff and know what you're capable of.
And so I'm thinking that you are going to jolt us in the end.  Even though your brief synopsis didn't say as much.
So as this kid is saying more and more censored stuff, and directing this film with a more deft hand, I started to feel the buildup of something dramatic.  When it didn't come, I'm like "Oh."

I anticipated that we would glimpse everybody through the viewfinder and see the family literally performing as described  --- of course, I don't know how you would film some of those acts.

I guess I had that Billy Mumy story, "It's a Good Life" running through my head.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 22
Ike
Posted: February 12th, 2007, 11:21pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
45
Posts Per Day
0.01
This isn't much of a story. It's an anecdote, and what's worse is that it's a "you had to be there" kind of anecdote. If you like the idea of a 5 year old playing director, which is cool in itself, I say sensationalize it. Give us more of the characters, and let us know why we should care about them. Then read The Scrosese Club. It's a good one.

IkE



Read my shorts if you want to:

A Platonic Conversation about Chairs - Comedy

Moving On - Drama

The Slow Clap  - Comedy


And my feature:

Rosebud - Comedy (coming soon)
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 22
Tomius J. Barnard
Posted: February 13th, 2007, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
London, UK
Posts
3
Posts Per Day
0.00
Hm, strange. It had no "story" qualities to it, but it wasn't bad either suppose. I guess it was only a short though, huh?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 22
CindyLKeller
Posted: February 14th, 2007, 8:28am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
Well,
Thanks everyone for giving it a read. I know it's quite different than what I usually put out there to be read. I did leave out some of the reactions of the people involved in the screenplay that were in the actual film... This five page script was only a minute and a half on film.
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 22
mcornetto
Posted: February 17th, 2007, 3:37am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Cindy,

I thought it was cute and I got a couple of laughs out it.  I disagree with the other posts that say there isn't a story here. There is - a young child tries to direct a home video only to be foiled by the family dog - or something like that.  There are characters in here as well.  

Being that it is basically a transcript and that it really isn't here to be produced, you did well with it.  If you were to work further with this, decide on a story and write it out as a logline then enhance the transcript to bring the story out and make it clearer.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 14 - 22
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006