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Truth Be Told by James Toru - Short, Film Noir - Life Coach, Teller Freeman gives his harsh diagnosis to a downtrodden woman as to why she feels this way. 5 pages - pdf, format
After reading the Carrier Pigeon, I had to read this one. Clealy you have a talent. You should not be posting your work on here, rather, you should be looking for production. In fact, will you give me a contact so we can expand on this? I am a production scout in minneapolis.
There is something to be said, when a writer can make a visceral impact in all of 3 pages. I love this piece.
I would love to know what other ideas you are working on.
TELLER FREEMAN, thirtysomething, sitting at his desk, wearing a sharp suit and slicked hair, staring into a mirror with his hardened glare.
Haha. This rhymed. Funny.
Quoted Text
Not so fast kido. I’m a reasonable man.
Kiddo has two d's. Just for future reference. I'll stop being nitpicky now.
Anyway, I liked this short. Like Kary said, you've created a nice, poignant piece in such a short amount of time. Very well done. Also loved the juxtaposition of her words and the visuals on the wall behind her. It was a very well-written script. You also broke the fourth wall with the ending. A lot of people on here will tell you never put "us" or "we" into the script. But I never really mind it and it seemed fitting for this script. I suppose that's the entire point of the script. What we can't see and the problems we could solve if only we would look into the mirror rather than just at it. In a way, it's kind of profound. Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into it.
Either way, I liked this short. Well-written, good dialog, quick and to the point. So very well done, James. You've entertained me. This script is well worth reading.
Nice work, James. I'm not as excited about it as Kary, but all in all it was an interesting short. I don't have any changes to suggest, except maybe the projections on the wall, I don't really know if they're crucial to the telling of the story. Although through using them, I guess it makes the use of the word antagonist, later on, an established convention of this fictional word.
Clealy you have a talent. You should not be posting your work on here, rather, you should be looking for production.
Regards,
Kary
Should not post work on here??? And why not? What do we look like to you, mister? The Untalented Bunch? Many writers have become BETTER writers just by being here, and I really mean that. So don't just barge in here telling people where to post their work and what to look for, regardless of who you are or what you are...
I think this is the 3rd or 4th time that I see this happening on this site, where an author logs in with a different name to boost his own work. I love it when those guys get busted lol
Well, I chose to ignore Kary-The-Critic and give it a try. I'm not crazy about Film Noir and I guess that leaves me a little biased.
I didn't really like the story, didn't find it very interesting. I did like the writing though which was very strong and visual. It generated a lot of black and white images in my head, which I guess is a good thing for a Film Noir.
The projection on the wall was an interesting touch. I can really decide whether I like it or not - but it was interesting none the less.
Cheers Rob
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
The projection on the wall is not something you'd normally put into a spec script. The same goes with the black and white and any other fancy visual technique that is used.
If you say you don't like Film Noir, then try reading my short, Price Check on Film Noir in the shorts section.
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Truth Be Told
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