Wild Life by Michel J. Duthin - Short, Animated - Wild Life' or when the entire savannah goes beserk. 4 pages - pdf, format

Oh wow...

That's about all I can really say about this.

In a technical sense, you're descriptions are very good minus typos like "yes" instead of "eyes" and "trump" instead of "trunk".

The ending is great.  I expected the lion doing what he did, but not for that reason.

Very funny and well written script, and I believe it would look amazing if actually made into an animation.

-Pat

It was a nicely told story, Michel.  Unless I'm mistaken, it was another joke that you wrote in script format.  With your storytelling skills (I believe you have them) you should concentrate on original stories and not other people's jokes.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe   With your storytelling skills (I believe you have them)

I can't believe it. Phil you made a compliment to me (LOL)

In fact, I have currently no much to create original stories (besides "Mother"). Adapting allows me to improve my style (I hope) and most of all  improve my English.

Anyway, thanks Phil and BrandNew for taking your time reading my story.

Michel

I don't know how adapting other people's work (or jokes) improves your writing anymore than writing your own.  If you wrote your own, you'd also be working on your creative skills.

Your English is better than some people I know here in the USA.


Phil

Hey Michel

I wasn't expecting this to be on so soon.  I remember you mentioning it when you read my short, anyway on with the review...

Lol.  I know it's a joke but hey there's nothing wrong with that.  You told it well, a few typos but nothing major.

There's not much else to say apart from, I liked it.  Good stuff.

alffy

Hi Alffy, thank you for your comment. I fell off my chair when I read the story a friend of mine sent me months ago and I wanted to share it with everyone. I tried to give the story a nice pace and keep its spirit.

I'm glad you liked it


Michel

I think when they ran into the elephant that you meant snorting instead of snoring Very good script I laughed. I like it You have to write more to this.

Your dialouge was good and your formating was well done. I felt that your dialouge was not forced.

Dan

this caught me by surprise, not at all what I expected to open up, but I'm glad I did.
the songs were the perfect length, I liked how you didn't over do them. The only thing was it was heavy on the exclamation points in some of the lyrics, maybe a few too many. Other than that it was great.

Dan and n7,

sorry for the delay but I'm glad you liked my humble script. As Phil said it's a joke I tried to put down on film and I'm pleased to see it's not that bad.

About the exclamation points they're there to justify everyone wildness and wway of talking. That's all

Thanks again

Michel

I can see your point about adapting to get your feet wet in writing.  My Uncle once gave me the advice that the best starting point is to take your favorite story and re-write it as your own.  This was a good adaptation of a joke you might get a few times in your inbox.  Perhaps your next step, to go from Phil's point, is to use a favorite story as a jumping off point, then mold that story into something of your own.

good little script it was real funny;D

Thank you EBurke73 and awk. I really enjoyed writed this even if it's not completely mine. In fact, as English is not my natural language I practice with this kind of script. Anyway, a personal story would be availiable soon.

Michel

That was interesting.

I think it was pretty solidly written except for some typos which have already been pointed out. You also mentioned that your not a native English speaker, and taking that into account it's pretty impressive.

This was only ok for, I chuckled I think twice, when the giraffe was rolling the blunt because it was so WTF and near the end when the lion was shooting up. I think this is mainly because I recognized the joke. So for me, there were only two semi laughs.

Well anyway, I think you did a nice job adapting this into a script and I be interested in seeing something more original from you.


sheepwalker

"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. . . "

Nah I never heard this joke before. So I got laugh out of it.

This is like your . . . what . . . the fourth script of yours I have read. I thought you would've got a handle on writing english by now.

They're only silly little mistakes too. But well written and a joy to read.