Living The Life: Episode 01 Pilot by Luke Goodwin - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - Todd and Sam try to get away with throwing a party.  But what they dont know is that throwing a secret un-supervised party can be harder than they think. 14 pages - pdf, format

Living The Life: Episode 02 by Luke Goodwin and Dustin Vestal - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - French Rats?  Lake Pirates?  Mr. Rodgers?  Great Uncle Leo is down for a visit and now Todd and Sam are in for an amuzing time! 11 pages - pdf, format

Living The Life: Episode 03 by Luke Goodwin - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - Todd's cousin Charles is down for a visit, and Todd is not happy!  Come see what all crazy things happen in this episode! 9 pages - pdf, format

Living The Life: Episode 04 by Luke Goodwin and Dustin Vestal - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,  Sam's mom is a lesbian?  See what happens this time as Sam and Todd try to break up Tracy and her girlfriend...or boyfriend. 11 pages - pdf, format

Living The Life: Episode 05 by Luke Goodwin and Dustin Vestal - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - Oh no!  A criminal is on the loose and Todd and Sam are the only ones that know how to find them.  Special Appearance by Denzel Washington. 18 pages - pdf, format

Living The Life: Episode 06 by Luke Goodwin and Dustin Vestal - Short, Animation, Comedy, Short - Sam has been getting annoyed by Scott Simmons, a school bully, and now Sam is going to fight back-by telling on him! 13 pages - pdf, format

Hey Luke thought I'd give the once over.

Right first you need to fix your title page because as it stands it reads only 'Screenplay'.

This may come across as picky but I hope you find this helpful.  Better format might get you more reads.

Your first slugline should be written as so - INT. LIVING ROOM.
You have EXT. TODD'S LIVING. DAY.  How can this be external if it's inside?  Also as your inside you don't really need the time of day.

'ing' is also not the best way to write your action.  Rather than saying Todd id sitting, put Todd sits or Todd is sat.

Try not to include camera actions, you have that the screen zooms to the tv.

Don't include actions in your dialogue.  If Todd keeps his eyes on the tv, write this in the action.

'There is a 2 second pause'.  Hmm best to change this too.  Either just say there's a pause or if you feel the need to include how long it is, write two not 2.

You introduce Todd and his brother very minimally.  How old, roughly, are they, what do they look like and so on?

You don't need to say the scene ends cos the next slugline tells us that.

Again you second slugline reads as Ext altough it's inside.  I suggest you proof read before submit it.

Vicki says that Sam's dad is dead by some unmentionable people, this sounds strange.  Especially when you suggest that Sam and Todd killed him.

You change scene without telling us.  Todd exits the car, then is seated inside the school.  You need a new slug here.

The dialogue between Todd and Sam reads well.

Your slugs are annoying me now, they all read Ext!!

Try to write in real time, the present.  Meaning Dan enters the room and closes the door, not he closes the door after he enters.  It's these little things that need changing.

Typo reads pounds full of ducks, should be pond.

How do we know Franks a hobo, describe him.

Harvey is Todds older brother and Todd and Sam are the same age right but Sam easily pushes Harvey into a closet?

Don't include 'viewers' and 'you'.

Nice ending with Dan.

To sum up, the story is ok but has nothing really new.  Two teenage boys, I guess they're teenage, having a secret party.  The problem for me lies with your format and your grammer.  Also though you have two kids who show extreme cruelty towards animals and are murderers, even though their parents seem to know this.  For a script about teenagers who appear to get away with murder and are clearly appear unremorseful about it, this just doesn't ring true for me.  This is out of bounds for me, sorry.

There are just too many problems here for me, you need to rewrite this and work on a few things.  On a plus point, your dialogue was good, especially between Todd and Sam.

Quoted from alffy Hey Luke thought I'd give the once over. Right first you need to fix your title page because as it stands it reads only 'Screenplay'. This may come across as picky but I hope you find this helpful.  Better format might get you more reads. Your first slugline should be written as so - INT. LIVING ROOM. You have EXT. TODD'S LIVING. DAY.  How can this be external if it's inside?  Also as your inside you don't really need the time of day. 'ing' is also not the best way to write your action.  Rather than saying Todd id sitting, put Todd sits or Todd is sat. Try not to include camera actions, you have that the screen zooms to the tv. Don't include actions in your dialogue.  If Todd keeps his eyes on the tv, write this in the action. 'There is a 2 second pause'.  Hmm best to change this too.  Either just say there's a pause or if you feel the need to include how long it is, write two not 2. You introduce Todd and his brother very minimally.  How old, roughly, are they, what do they look like and so on? You don't need to say the scene ends cos the next slugline tells us that. Again you second slugline reads as Ext altough it's inside.  I suggest you proof read before submit it. Vicki says that Sam's dad is dead by some unmentionable people, this sounds strange.  Especially when you suggest that Sam and Todd killed him. You change scene without telling us.  Todd exits the car, then is seated inside the school.  You need a new slug here. The dialogue between Todd and Sam reads well. Your slugs are annoying me now, they all read Ext!! Try to write in real time, the present.  Meaning Dan enters the room and closes the door, not he closes the door after he enters.  It's these little things that need changing. Typo reads pounds full of ducks, should be pond. How do we know Franks a hobo, describe him. Harvey is Todds older brother and Todd and Sam are the same age right but Sam easily pushes Harvey into a closet? Don't include 'viewers' and 'you'. Nice ending with Dan. To sum up, the story is ok but has nothing really new.  Two teenage boys, I guess they're teenage, having a secret party.  The problem for me lies with your format and your grammer.  Also though you have two kids who show extreme cruelty towards animals and are murderers, even though their parents seem to know this.  For a script about teenagers who appear to get away with murder and are clearly appear unremorseful about it, this just doesn't ring true for me.  This is out of bounds for me, sorry. There are just too many problems here for me, you need to rewrite this and work on a few things.  On a plus point, your dialogue was good, especially between Todd and Sam.

Thanks for all the tips and pointers.  Also, Episode Two has the character information.

I should add that I did go on about the morals of your characters here but I didn't notice that this is an animation, so maybe I was a bit harsh.  Sorry.

There are now new improved versions of the scripts up.  Enjoy!