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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Resident Evil Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 23rd, 2007, 7:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Resident Evil by Stuart Mower (Vrante) - Horror -  Based on the game from Capcom and novels by S.D. Perry. A series of bizzare murders in the area surrounding Raccoon City brings in S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Service) to investigate. However what they discover as they investigate the doors of long abandoned mansion are the results of horrific viral experiments gone unnoticed, and a conspiracy to make sure that the secrets never get revealed. 138 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

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Don  -  June 3rd, 2007, 10:55am
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Gaara
Posted: May 25th, 2007, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
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I had an itch on my face...so I scratched it

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Well I've just started reading it but here are my views so far.

Number one...so what it is another Resident Evil script. I for one like them...well some of them, tho I do understand why some people may be getting sick of seeing yet another Res Evil script.

I like the start. Those shock starts with someone running for their life to be ultimately cornered by the unseen (for now) assailant(s) tends to work for me.


Quoted Text
I’m talking about the underground parking lot. Wesker and his men are moving in there to intercept any escape plan conceived by these men to escape there.


This bit of dialogue doesn't flow well with me.

Instead how about:


Quoted Text
I’m talking about the underground parking lot. We've got  Wesker and some men moving down there to intercept any that may try to get out that way.
.

just an idea mind

Same with this


Quoted Text
BANK ROBBER LEADER
S.T.A.R.S., Special Tactics and Rescue Service…fuck.


why not just


Quoted Text
Stars?
(beat)
Fuck.


Also I know S.T.A.R.S. is technically written with the dots between the letters but when people say the name they just say "Stars".  The way it is written it looks like the leader is saying each individual letter.

Anyway as I said I just started this and will finish my review when I finish the script.



check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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scmower
Posted: May 25th, 2007, 5:09pm Report to Moderator
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The main gripe I have with the script is the scene where I introduce the S.T.A.R.S., I wanna show that they are the best in the business. Out of the ones I've wirtten its the this one I have gripes with and the rest I'm happy with. It's just introducing everyone and showing that they are the best in the business.

Also I know about other RE scripts that have come before, but this isn't another crappy one (I hope). I've big plans for this series and this is something I've worked on for years, since I was about 15/16, it really sucked back then.

It's mostly the beginning I gave the most against, the rest and the others I've wrote I'm happy with. so any suggestions on the bigining would be good.
EDIT: Yeah sorry it's a friend's keyboard and I hit tab and it posted automatically, which was annoying. I hoped you hadn't seen that.


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scmower  -  May 25th, 2007, 5:26pm
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Gaara
Posted: May 25th, 2007, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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I had an itch on my face...so I scratched it

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yes? what is your main gripe?


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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scmower
Posted: May 25th, 2007, 5:21pm Report to Moderator
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And I'm noticing that quote you took, you're right that does need to be changed. I don't know how I missed that. I think it was at around 3am or something that I rewrote that scene, it used to be different. And I edited the post above.


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ReaperCreeper
Posted: May 25th, 2007, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Vrante, do you have, or could you make, a PDF version of this script? I'm much more comfortable reading from a PDF document. It's easier for me to read it. Just askin', you don't have to if you don't want to.

--Julio
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scmower
Posted: May 28th, 2007, 8:01am Report to Moderator
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I want to but my computer doesn't have .pdf and I downloaded a .pdf at my friends and it turned out to be a printer one. I'll try though, I have the script saved on disc so if I'm at another friend's house I'll try. I'll also re-edit some errors in it before I do.


Scripts on this site:
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alffy
Posted: May 28th, 2007, 8:36am Report to Moderator
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Hey Vrante, you say you downloaded a pdf that was a printer one.  PrimoPDF which I use might be the same.  Basically you go to print, select pdf as your printer and bingo you get a pdf (don't worry it wont print anything).


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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scmower
Posted: May 28th, 2007, 8:40am Report to Moderator
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Oh, cause I did download primo pfd. Next time I go to that place (might be today I dunno) then I'll do that.


Scripts on this site:
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Howl (Short/Horror/Thriller)
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Cirrus
Posted: May 29th, 2007, 3:16pm Report to Moderator
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I can't believe this I was planning on doing this lol Ach Well, I'll just need to do something else now lol, I'll review it asoon as I can the novels are great.

[AND your scottish going to the place where I will be going to University next year]
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scmower
Posted: May 30th, 2007, 6:42am Report to Moderator
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I'll be reuploading it as a pdf. tonight so more people will be able to view it. I'll make sure any others I upload in the future are pdf.

I only take a few things from the book, Trent isn't in it yet and I haven't put in references to her original ones either.  

And I live near the university, but I'll be going to forth valley college this year (or next school year, whatever). Nice City though, depending on where you are in it.

EDIT: It's been re-uploaded as a pdf.


Scripts on this site:
The Black Dog (Short/Horror)
Howl (Short/Horror/Thriller)

Revision History (1 edits)
scmower  -  May 31st, 2007, 10:23am
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Cirrus
Posted: June 1st, 2007, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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Oh the Falkirk Campus? Cause I'm from Falkirk xD
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yorkshireladdy
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 2:33am Report to Moderator
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Hey there, vrante.  First of all, I've never read the novel this was based on but I've seen some of the movies and games.  Anyway, for starters, I've never read other RE fanfiction so pardon my ignorance.  To begin, the formatting seems more or less okay, though you really go far off the right margin in the dialog too much.  The INT./EXT/ sluglines should also end in periods not colons I think.  I also never got past page 29 for some reason so let me just say that upfront for full-disclosure kind of thing.  Anyway, you kind of use too much description in the action lines and that slows down the reading pace, which is bad (I think).  You might want to try making it more scary-ish b/c as it is it's not, though I haven't read it all so I might get back to you on that.  On the first page even I noticed way too much redundancy, it seemed like you repeated yourself, saying the same thing over and over.  Good try, overall, and keep on writing, man!
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scmower
Posted: June 4th, 2007, 7:56am Report to Moderator
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With the dialogue I normally make a guess at how far to the right I should have it because I can't get the internet on my comp so can't download software to help me. I normally have it go to about 14 cm. If that's wrong (probably is) then tell me the other one.

About the description...I put that in to let people know what the place looks like, I've never had any complaints about it so far...I dunno. I've read through it before and it hasn't slowed it for me, but maybe that's cause I wrote it, I don't know.

About the scare factor, it really doesn't pick up until they get to the mansion, I think that's around page 30 or something. I try to keep the zombies and dogs hidden until the Alphas reach the forest (dogs) and the mansion (zombies). I feel it keeps the suspense of hidden creatures going, cause a lot of horror films these days are just about showing it and those "gotcha" moments. I like the ones with suspense more so I put it in my scripts.

Did you not read past page 29 because it was bad or something? Either way I hope you get back to it.

EDIT: And yeah Cirrus, the Falkirk campus. I sent away my application last week.


Scripts on this site:
The Black Dog (Short/Horror)
Howl (Short/Horror/Thriller)

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scmower  -  June 4th, 2007, 8:08am
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Cirrus
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SPOILERS

I'm currently reading it, it's starting of very well, I liked the first scene which basically gives an overview of most characters.

On Page 15 you have said emotionless twice, just so you know, also who are Man 1# and Man 2# are they R.P.D Officers? If so I would state that.

Bravo Landing is Okay To Me.

Alpha Landing is Great - Ties in with the remake nicely.

PG 30 - Barry's Dialog should include Chris as well as the Bravos as thats why they went in there to investigate.

On Page 31 your action is perfectly correct but I would of put:


Quoted Text


The kneeling man stops eating and turns around to reveal that he is a Zombie. Fresh blood drips from his mouth, his skin pale and rotting.

On his chest is a name tag that reads; Mike.



Some may think this his worse but I would of wrote it that way.

PG 31 - Jill's Dialog "I Don't Know" may sound better if it was, "I Don't know! I shot it 3 times" and then instead of "It killed Kenneth" maybe "It... It.. was eating Kenneth!"

PG 33 - Instead of having the action "Perhaps opening these doors aren't the best thing to do" Why not have Barry say that to Jill when she asks what it is.

PG 34 - You say That instead of Those...

PG 35 - You say Beg instead of Bug.

PG 37 - Nice Tie in with Zero.

A thing I am starting to notice in the script is there is no fear... It's at too slow a pace, the Pace is fine for a game but for a movie its a bit boring Especially Chris, he just calmly walks and shoots some zombies... Its not very frightning, I think you should cut the amount of Zombies out the game, so when they do appear its much more frightning, The dogs going through the window is good but then she goes to unlock the door with her lockpick which slows the pace down Then she encounters a zombie... Its good for introducing the Stun Gun but generally theres no build up... Tension needs to be built, Then a Climax then a rest, then built.... sort of built, climax, rest, climax. Also then it goes straight to the Bath Tub Scare, it should cut away to Brad before the bathtub scene, then go to Chris then go Back to Jill.

You build tension up well with Chris reading the diary and has an effective climax with the Keeper and Scott attacking.

Trap Door Scene done effectively however I do feel you should still make it seem like Barry is up to something.

I need to stop here but I'll review the rest later.



Anyway Page 49 - They Discuss the Nature of the T-Virus however I'm a bit confused by somethings Rebecca is saying about it mimicing a zombie virus... maybe make it a bit easier to understand, Maybe sum up the first parts of Weskers Report [You would find this on the net most likely]

Another thing I think would work quite well is not mentioning Hunters or other animals in the place... It might add the the suprise a little more then they do actually pop out. Just a Thought though but then you have to aks yourself why Rebecca doesn't mention it.

Page 53 - The Slow Pace is still getting to me, Jill moves around kills two zombies... no shocks/horror/fright... then goes into the room... A lot of these scenes work well in book but not so much in a movie and a lot of them could be cut.

So... You Ressurected Forest... Interesting...

PG 59 - Theres a Good Scare...

PG 61 - And Richards has not been bitten yet... Which is quite good, your making the movie your own...

PG 68 - I like the introduction of a possible love situation between Chris and Jill. Also a lot more thrill is being added from the Crimson Heads which sort allows the slow paces at the beginning so it contrasts...


Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Cirrus  -  June 27th, 2007, 5:14pm
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