The Sea Merchant by J.S. Williams (ThricWax7 - Short, Horror - Four people are stranded on a life raft after their cruise ship burns down. They soon realize they are being preyed upon by something that has never been seen before by human eyes.  13 pages - rtf, format

Hey,

This really felt like one of those movies they show on the sci-fi channel on weekends, so if thats what your going for thats great and god bless you. I enjoy their ability to entertain and I found this entertaining.

That said I think this could be better written. I think the biggest problem I had with this was that I felt the dialog was too expositional. For example Bert dropping all the lines about how he's lost his faith and  you specifically lay out three causes or when Glenn (somehow knows and) explains the eel monster things.

Which brings me to ask why an ad executive would know about this stuff. If your going to have a character drop all that information on us its nice if they have some credentials, at least thats what they seem to do in those sci-fi channel movies.

You try to develop the characters, letting the audience in on some of their background, I assume in part to try and invest the audience in them. While I think this is a good idea it doesn't really have any effect on the rest of the story and you took quite a bit of time putting all that stuff out there. On this I would suggest cutting back on it some or using some of the stuff you reveal about them latter on in the story.    

Besides that I thought the eel things were kind of neat, as good as giant anacondas and, perhaps better then Mansquitto. The Venus fly trap idea was kind of interesting and I suspect can be used to great effect.

Any who, good effort

sheepwalker

I'm picking up your sarcasm since it is pretty thick but I thank you for reading the script and also for your feedback.