SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 12:19am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Mad House Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Mad House  (currently 1384 views)
Don
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Mad House pilot by David Caffee - Series, Comedy - An eccentric scientist and his bizarre family deal with personal issues while simultaneously fending off experiments gone wrong, aliens and loads of other weirdness. In this episode a new neighbor walks in on Staci (daughter) while she is changing. Dr. Ma'ad is accused of developing WMD. 35 pages - rtf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
MZPtv
Posted: March 6th, 2008, 9:32am Report to Moderator
New


Nothing is any good if other people like it.

Location
Nottingham, England
Posts
37
Posts Per Day
0.01
So! Let's have a look at this, then.

First off, you have the 'Assorted boxes' bit stuck into the Scene Heading - it needs to be part of the direction below instead. Likewise the 'Danny and Ma'Ad house' bit - keep scene headings nice and short, like:

EXT. STREET - DAY
INT. DANNY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

You also forget to introduce the Doctor properly - he gets dialogue despite not being mentioned as being round the barbeque as Danny approaches! Also looks like the conversion into RTF here has thrown some of the Act Breaks around. And you don't need a new page for each new scene, either!

What I can see straight away here is you need to get hold of some proper screenwriting software - there are free programs like ScriptSmart or Celtix out there to start with, and more professional stuff like Sophocles or Final Draft, so invest in those. You'll see a whole world of difference right away ^_^

The rapidfire humour actually works well here - the weather machine gag and schizoid old guy, for example - so keep that element in. In fact, it's very Futurama with all the SF gags that Dr. Ma'ad gives you access to - which is A Good Thing!

So overall, I'd have to give this a:



Work on your formatting and you'll find that the good parts here - namely the quirky cast and fast-paced humour and sight gags - start to show themselves off much better.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Series  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006