The Value Engine by Ed Stahr (jiggson) - Short, Action, Sci Fi, Drama - An ailing father and his special needs son live alone in their country home wading through the days. Their existence is fragile yet mundane until the boy takes an interest in disassembling, and reassembling, electronics. 16 - pdf, format

A cool little story and well told; I liked it very much. I had some inkling as to where you were going with it, but I really enjoyed getting there and was a bit surprised with what Patrick accomplished.

My only suggestion would be to show a little more experimentation with the device, just to amp up the "wow" factor. If I were watching this, I would like to see more of them actually doing it, rather than just seeing the results of what they've done.

Nice work! I'd love to see this produced.

Great story!

I really thought it would end with Patrick walking through the portal, curing him of his illness. I was a little disappointed that you didn't do that, but at the same time, I'm glad. We can't fix things if it's who we are.

I have to agree with Pete. I would love to see this produced.

Quoted from Sham ...I really thought it would end with Patrick walking through the portal, curing him of his illness...

I forgot to mention that. Yeah, early on I thought the device "fixed" things rather than got rid of "what wasn't needed" and Patrick would cure himself. You went a different way. I still like it.

Thanks for reading it.  I have been trying to come up with one other thing for them to do with the "engine", but it has all come out cheesy so far.

I woulndn't mind seeing it produced myself.  Heh.

Hi Ed, I just got through The Value Engine, and it really made me smile.

This felt like it could belong in an new season of Amazing Stories, with its suspendable reality and notion of childlike 'magic' or 'science'. I loved the entire concept of Patrick making a miracle machine and actually getting it to work.

The addition of Finney brings more conflict to the script, but I think it feels a little forced, because he's introduced so late in the story. If he had been introduced as an antagonist earlier in the story, if only briefly, it would make the ending stronger, IMO.

But overall a really warm little story; well written and well-told.

And for some reason I kept imagining Robert Patrick as Thomas (probably because of his turn in The Bridge to Terabithia).

Yeah, a cute little story and very well written. I thought you nailed the three act structure really well although I thought the script itself was a bit wordy, there were a few description that either could have been shortened or left out all together. A matter of taste.

I didn't get why Finney disappeared in the end, I thought it didn't go hand in hand with what the engine had previously done. But I guess it sorta worked anyway.

Well done.

Cheers
Rob

Hey Jiggson;

Nice job. I liked how Thomas was gonna stand by Patrick come hell or high water. Good man, and wish people were more like him. I can understand the temptation to pass Patrick through the machine, but in Patrick's mind, he is not broken, simply different. I assume Patrick's autistic, as he exhibits alot of typical behaviors. Nicely done short, and the commentary about the Buick sized kidney stone was pretty funny.

Joe

Hey Jiggson,
you painted a nice little picture there of this really amazing relationship of father and son. The language is ok, allthough you could try to shorten the intro and maybe upgrade it in the rest. I also don't like, that the son doesn't "reply" to his father a lot. I would think that under these circumstances they would be closer, e.g. grunting or so.

The story itself is very nice though; it made me smile, thumbs up!

Please read my script aswell (see below).

Cool script. I really enjoyed this one.

The best thing about this script for me is how the story lingered in my mind long after I finished reading. The mystery of the machines true power left me thinking about what exactly it did to Finney and why he vanished.Puts a whole new spin on dirty scum bag.

Very mysterious and unexplained.