Escape by S. Ramlal - Comedy - A full serial killer comedy. In search of a serial killer, many unwanted things happen. A girl is kidnapped by a cop, who sees the girl as the serial killer. The girl is rescued by a boy, running for their lives. 109 pages - pdf, format

I skimmed the first few pages and only one thing came to mind: is English your first language?

You really notice it in your dialogue.  I reccomend really listening to how people talk...because that is definitely not how we talk.  You can also try reading the dialogue out loud, which is what I do.  I think you'll agree that it sounds way off.  

I'd love to go through and point out the little things, but I think you should be focusing on the big issue right now -- and that is your dialogue.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything like that, I'm just trying to help you become a better writer by pointing out your flaws.  Hope this helps.