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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Full Mental Jacket Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 4th, 2007, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Full Mental Jacket by Spencer McDonald - Short - War is complex, brutal, and mental. Phobias can have all the same ingredients of War. Mixed they can create a mentally complex and brutal reality. (5 pages) - pdf, format


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Blakkwolfe
Posted: November 5th, 2007, 7:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Spencer;

Short was a little tricky to understand, moving from a dream, to a flashback within the dream, back to the dream and finally to "present" in the cell. However, I  had no trouble picking it up on the second time around...I assume that from the smacking of the yellowjacket that he was faking the fear of bees thing, which begs the question of why he killed his fellow marines...Still, a good short.

Joe


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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tonkatough
Posted: November 8th, 2007, 5:05am Report to Moderator
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This was a very solid piece of writing. very engaging and perfect wording that makes it very visual.

I liked how the main character was called Clay Moore. If I remember correctly this is the name of a type of land mine. Correct me if I am wrong.


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spencerforhire
Posted: November 8th, 2007, 9:49am Report to Moderator
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Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

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Blakkewolf, thank you for your review. Great comments.

TonkaTough, you are correct the characters name "Clay Moore" was my attempt at humor and his instability. Some don't catch that. Good job!

Spencer


I got nothing.  
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