Sorry it took me so long to finish.
Iím trying to be as helpful as I can with this and hope you take it as such. You also know Iím not a pro so these are just my humble opinions.
Letís start out looking at this script from afar and then move in closer.
I think the general story line here is fine, but not really unique. It does have a nice feel to it though with the idea of curing cancer and the idea of curing the aging process. It felt like a film suitable to the Lifetime network, but not the big screen. Which is fine if thatís what you intended. Thereís nothing wrong with writing for television. In fact thereís probably a better chance at getting a script sold for television film than one intended for big theatrical releases.
This script is 93 pages, which is only 2.5 pages more than the common 90 page minimum for a feature. The reason I mention that is because Iím not 100% sure that the story is 92+ pages. Iím sure youíve read/heard that every single line in a script is important and needs to move the story forward. You have a lot of lines like this ďhe gets up, she sits down, Jody looks at Peter, Frank canít believe itĒ. I understand that it is important to add some action lines so thereís not just dialogue, but at the same time, lines like those do not move the story forward. Some of them come across as just fillers. You have quite a few of those types of lines and if you remove them this script would be a lot shorter. (I think) My suggestion would be to add to this story with action lines that adds interest and or moves the story forward. I know you can do it.
I liked the idea of Sammie being able to make people healthy, but at the same time I think it was revealed a little too early. IMHO, I would have liked to see/feel a little more mystery around that part. Once it becomes clear what Sammie can do we know right away whatís going to happen next time someone ďillĒ shows up.
The beginning of this script was good and I was immediately interested. In a way I wished the whole story would have had a little more of the ďsci-fiĒ stuff. I like that and like I said, the beginning works.
Nice jump to four years later! However, the script slows down some after that too. This goes back to what I mentioned earlier about driving the story forward. Even though itís important to establish the carachters, I think you can do that while adding interest too. The bedroom scene is fine and works, but the following scenes donít do much. A lot of chit chatting and phone conversations. Maybe Iím just so used to reading and writing 5 page scripts that I get impatient.
You set up the party and the nursing home parts well, but when Sammie cures the young girl and the old woman you speed through it. Thatís where the interesting parts are to me at least. Iíd like to see you expand on those things. I wanted to see more. I also wanted to know more about Melissaís illness. Show us how sheís ill. Right now the adults briefly talk about it and she looks pale. Build on it. Make us feel more for her, worry about her so we can feel even better when she gets cured.
Iím not so sure itís necessary for Michelle to be ill. It doesnít add too much, because as soon as we find out sheís ill, we know Sammie will cure her. I do like how Sammie can hear them calling him. I thought that was great. Liked the purple haze too.
The ending seemed a little weird in a way. First off it ended pretty much as I thought it would, but I had some problem with the reactions of the people. I think I would have believed it and accepted it had it not been 15 years later. Besides them all looking older, it felt as if it was just a few months or a year later.
Zooming in a little now.
I think the carachter of Jody was fine. She was likable and believable. Maybe getting teary eyed one or two too many times, but maybe not.
Sammy seemed a LOT older than 3 years old most of the time. He did come across as a very sweet and likable boy however. I think I would have liked to see him a tad older.
Michelle was okay. I didnít really have anything against her, but she didnít add much either to me.
Peter was fine too. In fact I would have liked to see more of him. I thought Jody and Peter would end up together. It seemed almost weird that almost 20 years after her husband has died, sheís still aloneÖ I understand she misses her husband, but after that length of time, she could have found someone new.
The villains were okay too. I think they could be a little more sinister even. What exactly were their motives anyway? Greed, fame, what? That something I think could be expanded on as well.
There were some typos here and there, but I didnít write them down. If you want me to I can point them out, but at the moment Iím getting tired of typing, haha.
Several times you mentioned draws. Is that what you call drawers down under or is it something else?
You also have on several occasions the much discussed ďwe see and we hearĒ. They donít really bother me too much unless there are a lot of them and you had quite a few. Especially towards the more action filled end.
Ditto that for words that end with Ďing. I forget what they are called, but it reads better I think if itís written in present tense.
Boy I think this might be my longest post ever. Iím going to quit now, but might come back and add stuff later.
All in all I think you did a good job, but it needs some tweaking.
If you have any questions at all, just ask. I often come across as confusing.
Hope this was helpful.