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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Simple Man: A Short Story Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Simple Man: A Short Story  (currently 910 views)
Don
Posted: December 24th, 2007, 6:08am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Simple Man:A Short Story by Michael - Short, Drama - A homeless man who has lost eveything, wishes to teach the world how he has gained everything. 7 pages - pdf, format


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Gwydion
Posted: December 26th, 2007, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
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When we start off a screenplay with "FADE IN:"  What we mean is exactly what you wrote in your first line.  The formatting is right (except (V.O.) goes right after the name, not in the paranthetical below) and yet there are quite a few typos.  From spaces missing after periods, to letters broken off of words and attached to others.  That kind of thing.

I missed the connection between his loss and his homelessness.  It seems like afterwards, he just gave up and he doesn't strike me as that kind of guy.  The timing is off, too.  They're leaving for New Year's Eve?  In mid-September?  Man, what I would give for those kinds of vacations...  I'm not sold on Alex.  He doesn't seem as proactive as his words and the backstory doesn't mesh with his current condition in my mind.  Convince me.  I see what both Alex and you are trying to say.  Take it to the next level.  Play with the fact that most people assume homeless people are nuts.  Put it in a story.  I didn't get a sense of a story here.


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