Hearts by Christopher Bate - Short, Comedy - James is looking for love and he's joined the 'Hearts Sake' agency to help him. After months of being short-changed romantically, James is has reached the end of his tether. This probably happens all the time. Probably. 13 pages - pdf, format

hey, considering there's only one secene and it's just a conversation and really no action, i think it would work much stronger as a short play.  it's got some funny dialogue (like "knock when you're sarcastic").  but other times it's a little too ridiculous. like the german sheperd part, or the one who'd been dead since 1992.  i also think dialogue goes for a bit too long.  tighten it up and re-write it as a play

I agree... Although you have some witty dialogue not enough is accomplished in thirteen minutes. I wouldn't even mind the german sheperd line if the prospects had gotten increasingly absurd. The one of the biggest rule to keep in mind when writing scenes is to start late, and get out early.

In your re-write you should think when is the latest I could come into the scene to were it is still fluent, and when is the earliest I can end while still accomplishing your change of charge value, (positive to negative, and vise vera) reaching your payoff, ect.