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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  The Clean Up Crew Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Clean Up Crew  (currently 4844 views)
Don
Posted: February 16th, 2008, 9:01am Report to Moderator
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The Clean Up Crew by Michael Prevette (mike p) - Adventure - It's a normal Friday night for the industrial cleaners, as they arrive for the midnight shift at Better Life Chemicals. But soon they'll find that Better Life is not what they think as horrific bio-genetic experiments break loose from their cages deep in the complex, and come out looking for escape...and dinner ! 94 pages - pdf, format


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alffy
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Hey Mike here’s may review as promised.

First thing I noticed is the 2003 on the pdf, was this written then and has it been rewritten since?

I have to mention is the capitalising of too many words, it’s a bit distracting.

Page 1, you missed out ‘with’, the car is filled TECH MEN.  I also noticed a few more errors but I’m gonna leave them.  I’d rather comment on the story and structure than point out every spelling and grammatical error.

I like the panic but maybe you should give the Tech guys either names or distinguishing features so you don’t have to refer to them as numbers.  It gets a bit confusing, I know they are only fodder to set the tone but I just think it would read better.

I don’t get the air support, why call them?  They can’t shoot at the creature as they are in the forest and they aren’t there to evacuate the tech’s cos they land and get out?  Maybe a quick radio call to base to say they weren’t at the evac point or something would make their actions of leaving the chopper more plausible.  Even a crackle of radio talk would fit well.

Malcolm’s early anarchy sets his character from the get go, lighting the cigarette I mean.

There’s occasions when you over write like, Malcolm sits at his workstation, he can do anything from this command centre.  You describe the phone, fax etc so it makes the description a bit redundant.

Again you state Chan has a ‘can do attitude’, a frustrated basketball player, how do you show this o screen?  This goes for your introductions of the other characters too, you say too much about their personalities that can’t be shown.  Also you refer to Chris Chan as Chan but Odell Smith as Odell?  Why one by Christian name and the other by surname?

‘Her breasts swell.  Awesome.’.  This rings of adolescent writing.

The dialogue though reads well.

Adam is a strange and original creature, sounds really weird.  I like it.

When Hoskins and Badami try to take a blood test from Adam, he is understandably scared so why doesn’t Malcolm reassure him?  He’s still there by the intercom and just been talking to Adam, so seems a bit strange.

‘Later’ should be inserted in your slug and not the action.

What’s ‘shooting the breeze mean’?  Sorry if I’m being too English here but I never heard that before.

Seems a bit weird that the clean up crew didn’t know where they were working until Karen said so.  Don’t they have a rotor or something?

Page 28 Trish’s dialogue has an error…oh I said I wouldn’t do spelling. Lol.

Ricky complains about the garbage then says he’ll do it if Karen does the waxing?

OK I’m about a third of the way through so I’ll give a brief summary of my thoughts so far.  Your central characters are individual enough so that’s good.  They have their own characteristics and their dialogue reads well.  As for the pacing, seems OK too.  You had a nice bit of action to set up the story, and then some background about the plant and its inhabitants.  So far so good, I’ll be back to this soon Mike.


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mikep
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Quoted Text
First thing I noticed is the 2003 on the pdf, was this written then and has it been rewritten since?(/quote]

Yeah the first draft was 03, it's had two rewrites since then, top to bottom rewrites with some drastic changes. But since maybe 05 haven't gone back to make any changes.

have to mention is the capitalising of too many words, it’s a bit distracting

That comes from a number of produced scripts I'd read back in the 90's and into  2000, with major actions or effects capitalized. I think it's more a gimmick to draw attention to the action and also is better off in a shooting script If there. It's something I just never took out during a rewrite but would on the next draft.


Quoted Text
Page 1, you missed out ‘with’, the car is filled TECH MEN.  I also noticed a few more errors but I’m gonna leave them.  I’d rather comment on the story and structure than point out every spelling and grammatical error.

I like the panic but maybe you should give the Tech guys either names or distinguishing features so you don’t have to refer to them as numbers.  It gets a bit confusing, I know they are only fodder to set the tone but I just think it would read better.
  
Ok, story and structure is fine, I'm sure there are a few other typos, if someone else doesn't catch them I will when I go back to revise. On the fence for naming the Techs, yes they were named 1, 2, etc since they never appear again. If you feel it helps, can easily go back and name them.

Malcolm’s early anarchy sets his character from the get go, lighting the cigarette I mean.


Quoted Text
There’s occasions when you over write like, Malcolm sits at his workstation, he can do anything from this command centre.  You describe the phone, fax etc so it makes the description a bit redundant.
Again you state Chan has a ‘can do attitude’, a frustrated basketball player, how do you show this o screen?  This goes for your introductions of the other characters too, you say too much about their personalities that can’t be shown.  Also you refer to Chris Chan as Chan but Odell Smith as Odell?  Why one by Christian name and the other by surname?

Yes I did tend to overwrite then. That's something I've wanted to learn to pare down and I think have succeeded finally in later years.  Chan is Chan and Odell is Odell since it felt to me, those names captured them best, sounded best as their character name.


Quoted Text
‘Her breasts swell.  Awesome.’.  This rings of adolescent writing.
It's more to indicate it needs to be an awesome, even maybe campy moment


Quoted Text
What’s ‘shooting the breeze mean’?  Sorry if I’m being too English here but I never heard that before.
American slang for sitting around chatting, killing time


Quoted Text
Seems a bit weird that the clean up crew didn’t know where they were working until Karen said so.  Don’t they have a rotor or something?
nice point, yes they should know the schedule



Quoted Text
OK I’m about a third of the way through so I’ll give a brief summary of my thoughts so far.  Your central characters are individual enough so that’s good.  They have their own characteristics and their dialogue reads well.  As for the pacing, seems OK too.  You had a nice bit of action to set up the story, and then some background about the plant and its inhabitants.  So far so good, I’ll be back to this soon Mike.

Many thanks, am looking forward to your thoughts!



13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

Currently rewriting another writer's SciFi script for an indie producer in L.A.
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: February 23rd, 2008, 3:29pm Report to Moderator
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The opening sequence at times is way too descriptive. It is good but I think it has way too much bulk to it.

You should try to get rid of all the mores and cont'd at the end of every page.

On page 9 your description says "He's gone out on a limb" I know some people let this go but I just thought I would bring it up and say you're telling us something that cannot be shown.

Your descriptions of CC and OS do a similar thing where you tell us details that can be easily shown if they are important enough to warrant it.

I like Adam. The character is like Sonny from I, Robot. The outsider who just wants to be inside but can never be because he's different. It's sad actually. Sadly his death isn't as sad as you meant it to be because it is cluttered with his body being in pieces or something... more on that later.

Trish transcending is a good callback but I don't know if I believe it. Certain stretches are made when watching films but that's a little touchy. The almost acid like urine by the dog is funny though even if you didn't mean it to be.

I don't like Baxter. He goes from likable, to weird (with the floozy), to a complete asshole to a hero and I just couldn't get past the asshole part to like him again.

The mansters death wasn't really explained very well. The way I understood it, the Manster burned but why did Baxter tell Odell to shoot anything that moves and you just cut to them going to the diner pretty much.

Neither was Adam's to be honest with you. The gun went off in Adam's stomach? It cut him in half or cut his head off or what? It just got confusing.

The major problem I found is that you describe way, way too much. As I mentioned for the opening sequence and that was pretty much the only problem I had. Sometimes the descriptive nature of the script helped it and other times it made it confusing.

You have some good callbacks. Scares. Horror. Adventure. Action. You even have some comedy in there for good measure.

I enjoyed this script simply for the relationships and the lack of deaths.

You don't explain what happened to all the other creatures from the cells. I'd like to know that to be honest with you. If I invest time into a film and it doesn't explain certain things I kind of get angry and check IMDB to see if it was every explained. (As was the case with that horrid film Silent Hill)

I would have liked to see Adam in action more like the Rottweiler turning on him or something.

What happened to Spook? Do they ever find his body or was he killed and eaten?

With the exception of a handful of spelling errors and misspelled words that you'd have to really look to find and over descriptive descriptions I really enjoyed this script. Tighten up the descriptions and fix the spelling errors and you have one decent script on your hands that people will enjoy reading today, tomorrow and even five years from now.

I always try to help with reviews and if it is helpful good and if not you didn't leave much to pick at. I could have went through and nit picked about every single problem in spelling but I didn't because that bulks up a review and has very little "help" in it when you can find those errors yourself by looking.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do with this script. This is my opinion of course but it is a decent science fiction horror action script... not to sure why you put it in adventure because it has more elements of a survival horror action film.


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mikep
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Quoted from Old Time Wesley
The opening sequence at times is way too descriptive. It is good but I think it has way too much bulk to it. You should try to get rid of all the mores and cont'd at the end of every page.


I'm trimming down my stage direction, that's been my main opportunity is to curb my tendancy to overwrite descriptions.


Quoted Text
Trish transcending is a good callback but I don't know if I believe it. Certain stretches are made when watching films but that's a little touchy. The almost acid like urine by the dog is funny though even if you didn't mean it to be
yeah the transcending is a leap of faith I was hoping people would make, especially given the moment it's used - is it too much? I don't think so but am interested to see who else might point it out.


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I don't like Baxter. He goes from likable, to weird (with the floozy), to a complete asshole to a hero and I just couldn't get past the asshole part to like him again.
I dont think he needs to be likable per se, more of the needed ass at that point, the guy you DON'T like but who has enough integrity to get them out of the jam. I'll look to see if I can smooth him out a bit more.


Quoted Text
The mansters death wasn't really explained very well. The way I understood it, the Manster burned but why did Baxter tell Odell to shoot anything that moves and you just cut to them going to the diner pretty much
I'll check the action again but intended it to be pretty clear, the "shoot anything" line is just a capper, it can be dropped if it's confusing.


Quoted Text
Neither was Adam's to be honest with you. The gun went off in Adam's stomach? It cut him in half or cut his head off or what? It just got confusing.
  I gently suggest you check that again, it's written as Adam biting Malcom's gun hand, then the gun goes off - however it IS in the middle of a block of action maybe that's where it confused you


Quoted Text
The major problem I found is that you describe way, way too much. As I mentioned for the opening sequence and that was pretty much the only problem I had. Sometimes the descriptive nature of the script helped it and other times it made it confusing.
Again, yeah I agree the description is bulky, and I'm streamlining everything.


Quoted Text
You have some good callbacks. Scares. Horror. Adventure. Action. You even have some comedy in there for good measure.  I enjoyed this script simply for the relationships and the lack of deaths.
Excellent...I was hoping it would work as a colorful character adventure....something that's fun, exciting and populated with people you like.



Quoted Text
I would have liked to see Adam in action more like the Rottweiler turning on him or something.
What happened to Spook? Do they ever find his body or was he killed and eaten?
   Other readers had mentioned they had wanted Adam to be more of an action figure, in particular wanting him to take on the Manster, which I'd be opposed to. I didn't want to over-expose him so after his introduction he IS used sparingly, but maybe he needs an overt act, like facing the Dog.


Quoted Text
I could have went through and nit picked about every single problem in spelling but I didn't because that bulks up a review and has very little "help" in it when you can find those errors yourself by looking
My main concerns are with the story itself and I will find the few typos left as I do my current revision. To be honest this is a script I dusted off after a few years, one I like quite a bit, so am hoping for good constructive feedback.



Quoted Text
Good luck with whatever you decide to do with this script. This is my opinion of course but it is a decent science fiction horror action script... not to sure why you put it in adventure because it has more elements of a survival horror action film.

I couldn't decide where it would be better posted...it has elements of sci fi and horror but it was light enough that I was thinking adventure might be the place for it. But I think you are right, it would get more attention in the horror section. I'll ask to see if we can get it moved.  [bert's edit: Done]

Again thanks for the read and am glad you did enjoy it.



13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

Currently rewriting another writer's SciFi script for an indie producer in L.A.

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  February 24th, 2008, 10:27am
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alffy
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Hey Mike sorry for the delay but the site was down the other day.

Anyway I’ll continue my read and thoughts…

Page 31, ‘she’s more and more relaxed as he goes on’.  This should be in the action not dialogue.

The first time Hoskins stuns Adam he was out for the count for a while but the second time, when they’re on their own, Adam isn’t knocked out?  How come?  Adam’s hand was cuffed yet he follows Hoskins through the door?

Page 35, within the space of a few seconds Adam is excited, scared then scared but assured.  That’s a lot of emotions in a short time and a bit confusing.

Guard #2’s reaction is a bit weird, he hears the klaxons so must know something’s a miss but when guard #1 points out the flashing red lights he seem shocked ‘god dam’!  Maybe if the lights flashing indicated where the incident was i.e. the cells, this reaction would be more appropriate.

You have a slug that reads INT. RECEPTION AREA, then your first action line reads ‘In the reception area’, this redundant.  Cutting things like this out will speed up reading.

Odell says they wouldn’t be locked in if there was a fire then moments later says there’s no sign of smoke?

Page 40, your slugs include characters which they shouldn’t.  But I like the way Ricky asks a question then Trish starts the next scene by answering the question with her first dialogue.  Hope that makes sense, it should to you but anyone else reading this won’t have a clue lol.

Some of your dialogue distracts from the tension your trying to build.  You describe you characters as been scared but then they say things that just lighten the mood and the tension is lost.  I don’t think this is intentional?  When Trish and Spook are climbing the ladder, something grabs Trish’s leg freaking her out but then they argue about snakes, this just kills the tension in the situation.  Surely with Spook being scared of heights and Trish being startled by something they would react with fear not light hearted banter?

You do build up the tension well again as the ladder breaks and the creature attacks Spook.

The guards are a bit too scared for my liking lol.

I like the way Chan’s bad basketball skills mean he misses the guards with the globe.

I have a little concern, over an hour in and apart from Adam there’s been little contact between the other creatures and the guards and the clean up crew.  I know Spook got licked, so to speak but I wanna see the other monsters, you describe bits of them well, I wanna see the rest of them.  I guess I’m just too eager lol.


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alffy
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I’m not sure I like the way you describe the grasshopper creature.  I’d just describe its features without all the badass stuff.  Also this action paragraph is to bulky, keep it to 4 or 5 lines, this is 10.

I like Karen’s ‘serious pest control problem’ line.

I also like the dog pissing and taking the paint off the wall.

Page 68 you say everyone gets up, then Baxter says ‘everybody get up’.

I may have missed this but Chan refers to Baxter by his name but I don’t ever recall Baxter introducing himself.  How would Chan know that was his name?

Chan asks Baxter to explain what’s going on but he refuses to answer then seconds later when Odell says something Baxter barks back at him ‘do you understand what’s going on here?  Well obviously he doesn’t cos Baxter won’t tell him.

You describe the creatures well and the deaths are nice too.

Ricky’s sacrifice is a bit out of the blue.

Eaten alive by mutant cockroaches – nice!

So Chan’s basketball skills improve with the waste paper bin.  There was a lot of explaining with Malcolm and everyone.

Page 87, Karen says ‘closer her says’.  I don’t get this?

The tanker chase was pretty cool and you describe it well.

When the crew are at the diner I wonder why they aren’t a bit more upset at the death of Spook and Ricky, plus the injury to Odell.  I loved the final scene though with the lady still cuffed to the bed. Lol

This read OK, a bit wordy at times but your creatures were pretty original.  Not to sure if this was suppose to be serious cos at times it seemed not to take itself that way.  I notice though this has moved from adventure to the horror section.  I do have a concern that your characters, they don’t really achieve anything apart from escaping.  They have no goals and so don’t really develop, this leads to your second and third acts being merged.  The first 30 pages sets out the facility, the creatures and the characters but then it’s hard to see where you second act finishes and the final begins?

I was a little but disappointed that Adam was killed off when he was.  I felt sure that he was gonna save the day by tackling the Manster.

My final thoughts though were this was alright, pretty standard monster slasher but had its moments.  I feel you need to work on your character goals, something I need to work on in my scripts.


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Old Time Wesley
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The best part about this being in "horror" is now I can finally say out of the scripts I have read in this section. I actually like more than one of them.

As far as the transcending goes, the only reason I brought it up was because it seemed a little far fetched but after thinking about it the whole script has far fetched elements which kind of kill the whole argument on that.


Quoted Text
I dont think he needs to be likable per se, more of the needed ass at that point, the guy you DON'T like but who has enough integrity to get them out of the jam. I'll look to see if I can smooth him out a bit more.


The problem I have found is if people hate him it is hard to bring him back and make him the hero as you have. I expected him to die. He can be an ass and a hero at the same time but at times seems to abusive. (If the Guard was the abusive one towards the Crew and he stays neutral without actually being a complete prick to them it fixes it a lot.)


Quoted Text
I gently suggest you check that again, it's written as Adam biting Malcom's gun hand, then the gun goes off - however it IS in the middle of a block of action maybe that's where it confused you


I read it again. At first glance it reads as if he bit his hand off gun and all but at a second glance he is in the middle of the action when the gun goes off. makes a little more sense.

Since I enjoyed this one I may check out some of your other works in the future. Mainly after this OWC is over and people get back to the reality of not reading features.


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To reply to Alffy's comments:

The continuity issues you mention, someone says something after the action is completed, are probably things I missed in the last revision this thing went through. All of that I'll clean up and thanks for pointing them out. There are some things I missed, like Chan knowing Baxter's name, which is leftover from a deleted scene. I'm glad for the reviews to date since it's pointed out what to fix in the revision.

I did want to keep the mood light overall even though there are moments of tension and gore, that's one reason why I did originally post it in the adventure threads, I thought the mood - (hopefully)fast paced and suspenseful, but with the tongue placed in cheek, leaned more to adventure, but as Wesley pointed out, it'd get more attention in the horror section.

Ricky's about face and sudden heroics need to be built up a bit more. I want him to be the schlub who (obviously) pines for Karen, endlessly complaining who sees, finally, one way to redeem himself in her eyes, but sad to say, it means bye-bye.

The "closer her says" is a typo, should be an eye-rolling "closer, he says!'

The final diner scene I struggled a bit with - yeah they've been through a lot but I wanted to keep the ending light, especially since it leads up to the final gag shot. BUT yes they do need to reflect or comment on their losses, so watch for the revised draft.

You're right in that I messed with the holy three act structure. The set up gets everyone in, defines the situation and characters, and then from there on it's action and escape. One of the first in depth discussions I had on the script was someone else commenting  on the lack of goals, other than escape. They gave the example of Pitch Black, where the characters try numerous things that fail as they go along in their gradual escape. I tinkered with this and came up with a longer, a bit clunkier story that stretched on longer then needed. This is something I might go back to in the revision but I want to keep the brevity if at all possible.

Other also commented on missing out on an Adam/Manster showdown, but with Adam since he IS developed and sympathetic, it felt better keeping his interaction more one on one with the other characters instead of turning him loose in more action. The creatures that attack the crew are all just creatures, and wanted to keep Adam apart from that. Your comments are appreciated, sorry it was just an alright, standard script. Once I get the next draft up maybe you can give it another go.


13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

Currently rewriting another writer's SciFi script for an indie producer in L.A.
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One of the postings above gave me ideas. It's true the structure is skewed a bit, the 3rd act comes late in the script ( like in Seven, the 3rd act begins when John Doe walks into the police station), and It can benefit from some beefing up. I like the idea of Adam being a bit more into the action, and he can do a bit more than be the lord of all he surveys. I think a confrontation with another creature, maybe a stand off with the dog, can work - as Adam leads the team to safety and to the last encounter with Malcolm. As it stands now, 93 pages is a short to the point script and while I don't want to run to 120 it can surely stand another 10 or 12 pages to both flesh out the act, add some action to Adam's character as well. Nice.

I'm implement in the rewrite.


13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

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Hope you don't take my comments on structure to literately, the whole act 1 has to end on page whatever is all tosh as far as I'm concerned.  You're right, some really good films don't stick to the structure rules so you shouldn't feel preesured to.  I've probably contradicted myself there but who cares.  As for the light hearted feel, I have no worries about that also, it was just with this moving into the horror section I wasn't sure if this was suppose to be a serious piece or not.


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mikep
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Actually you have a good point on the structure. I don't really have an issue with the structure as it stands, but if I do prolong the 3rd act a bit, it also gives the opportunity to embellish Adam a bit. So it's useful feedback.


13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

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First I was quite irritated by the amount of capitalized words... but I got used to it.

Your opening scene amounts to nothing if u ask me. It's well written and so on, but to me it just seems to be there to have an Action-opening.

The story starts slowly and quietly. I like your characters. Though I think Spook is a bit cliché.

I liked your description of Adam, I could visualize it well.
However, when Adam started to speak I felt like watching a strange B-movie! It was quite ridiculous first... but I'm glad I continued reading.

After the slow build-up, you created a great suspense. That really caught me.

page 42: Badami wakes up a bit late, doesn't she? - Didn't she hear the alarm?

When the "army of bio-instects" appeared, I felt like reading a stephen king story.

bADAMi = haha... coincidence?

The group fought hard against those Monsters and I found it a bit disappointing that the bugs just vanish when Adam appears. And they never came back.

I also felt that the scene where the badguy explains his evil plans and starts the usual question-and-answer game was a bit cliché.

I also think it was a mistake to hunt down T H E (most fearsome) monster when the climax has already been past!!
I actually didn't care much anymore.


I like how you pictured Adam's death and his longings... but to be honest I didn't like him much... a speaking snakeman...this is really strange.


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Your opening scene amounts to nothing if u ask me. It's well written and so on, but to me it just seems to be there to have an Action-opening.


Well yeah it is there to give an action opening but also is an easy way to enter into the Malcolm/baxter conversation, they can refernce it and give information that hopefully escapes just being exposition.


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The story starts slowly and quietly. I like your characters. Though I think Spook is a bit cliché.

Glad you liked the characters, and Spook is supposed to be a cliche - his first lines of dialogue are pretty much what you expect his cliche character to say. It might be a case of being too spot-on, but had hoped to take the stock "shocked vet" guy and have a lighter edge to him.


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I liked your description of Adam, I could visualize it well.
However, when Adam started to speak I felt like watching a strange B-movie! It was quite ridiculous first... but I'm glad I continued reading.

Ridicuous how exactly...his speech pattern? I'd tried making him more conversational but that didn't feel right.


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After the slow build-up, you created a great suspense. That really caught me.

When the "army of bio-instects" appeared, I felt like reading a stephen king story.
bADAMi = haha... coincidence?

The group fought hard against those Monsters and I found it a bit disappointing that the bugs just vanish when Adam appears. And they never came back.

I also felt that the scene where the badguy explains his evil plans and starts the usual question-and-answer game was a bit cliché.

I also think it was a mistake to hunt down T H E (most fearsome) monster when the climax has already been past!!
I actually didn't care much anymore.
I like how you pictured Adam's death and his longings... but to be honest I didn't like him much... a speaking snakeman...this is really strange.BYE


It was intention to begin slow, then let things explode in the latter half. To mention the capitalized words, yes that's something being fixed in the next revised draft. As I'd mentioned in response to someone else, at the time this was originally written, that was a bit more common, but it's something I should have taken out before but just never did.

Not sure if it's a good or bad thing when you said the "bio-insects" reminded you of SK?   Badami's name is just coincidence actually, you're the first to point it out. I stole the name from Bob Badami, a sound mixer.

Everything stops when Adam appears, as he's pretty much the leader once he frees them. It might need to be clarified that he does lead the creatures, they do respond to his call.

The Malcolm exposition scene was written that way, hoping to be a tongue in cheek nod to every scene where the bad guy explains the evil plot - it's even mentioned in the dialogue during the scene.

I understand what you're saying about the Manster being the capper and not figuring in the actual emotional climax of the script. But that's why it was kept to the sidelines during the story only to appear in the end. Adam is the story, it ends with him, but the last action set piece , is akin to the structure of the older Bond films, where the story reaches it's climax, we're ready to sail off into the sunset, but then, Oh look, another bad guy steps in for a final confrontation.

Sorry you'd pretty much checked out by that point and stopped caring. It seems your major beef was with the character of Adam himself, and of course keep in mind, the script is supposed to be a B Movie - not serious, tongue in cheek. But thanks for the read and feedback, any feedback is always appreciated,  maybe you'd find one of my other scripts more to your liking.


13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

Currently rewriting another writer's SciFi script for an indie producer in L.A.
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Ridiculous how exactly...his speech pattern? I'd tried making him more conversational but that didn't feel right.


No, I didn't mean his speech pattern. I think it goes perfectly with his character!!

How shall I describe it...? There's this giant, monstrous genetic Bio-experiment...a snakeman...
Dangerous, frightening, ugly, - born to kill... and suddenly it starts to speak.
I just meant the situation itself.


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Not sure if it's a good or bad thing when you said the "bio-insects" reminded you of SK?


I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. I just didn't expect it.


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...it's even mentioned in the dialogue during the scene.

Oops. Must have overlooked that....forget it then.

--
Now that you mention it, I haven't seen that kind of B-movies on the TV for a long time now....hmmm...what's going on?


So... Thanks for responding to my post, and - Goodnight!
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