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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Scarefest episode 4 - Meat Pies Moderators: bert
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  Author    Scarefest episode 4 - Meat Pies  (currently 5100 views)
Don
Posted: March 8th, 2008, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Scarefest episode 4 - Meat Pies by Anthony Hudson (alffy) - Short, Horror - With their exams looming, Gav, Russ and Mozza take a weekend break away in the English countryside.  Unfortunately they order far more than they can eat. - pdf, format


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Don  -  March 8th, 2008, 3:33pm
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Zack
Posted: March 8th, 2008, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Allfy, I'm just gonna come out and say it. Meat Pies is brilliant! It is the "Evil Dead" of short horror scripts.

The story is simple and not very original, but it is so over the top and gory that it doesn't matter. It is also extremely funny. When Gav came face to face with the dead mans dick, I couldn't help but laugh.

The format is great and the charaters are well developed for a short. Their dialog was snappy and flowed well.

When I wasn't laughing, I was being disgusted! The meat pies made me gag. Ooh...

Complaints... I can't think of any. I loved everything about this script.

I loved this script Alffy. Thank you for the great read. 10/10

~Zack~

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Zack  -  March 9th, 2008, 10:23am
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Zombie Sean
Posted: March 9th, 2008, 12:47am Report to Moderator
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Hey Alffy,

The title reminds me of that song from Sweeny Todd about Meat Pies...except I barely know how the song goes because I've not seen Sweeny Todd yet.

This story was bloody and fun to read. The plot was unoriginal as Zack mentioned, but the gore and action and funny dialogue made up for it.

There were actually a lot of characters for a 15 pager, and so it was hard for me to keep up with who was who. Like, I didn't know who Jess or Colin was, so when I didn't see that their names were capitalized, I figured they've been mentioned before, but I just didn't know when.

Also, there were a lot of spelling errors that you hafta check up on.

Other than that, great script.

Sean


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Wilbur
Posted: March 9th, 2008, 3:46am Report to Moderator
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I found this to be more humorous than scary but I have to say that I did enjoy it.  There were plenty of nice gross out moments throughout.

I do not think that the characters acted very realistically for what was happening to them, but since I found this more of an over the top gross out comedy it did not bother me.

From the title I knew exactly what was going to happen so there were no real surprises, but still it was a very enjoyable read.

Also I liked the American Werewolf in London tie in with the slaughtered lamb, I thought that was pretty clever.
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stebrown
Posted: March 9th, 2008, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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Hey Alffy, this is a classic!

Really funny and the three lads were very well developed. It reminded me of Peter Jackson's 'Bad Taste' a little, just in the over the top gore and humour. Gotta say I didn't like the end though. Didn't really seem to be any reason for them to stay and cook pies.

I think if you did this as a shortish feature (60/70 pages) you'll be able to get an indie director to film it. Really think that the comedy and gore could make it a bit of a cult film. I think you could have it over a weekend and it takes them a little longer to realise what's going on. It seemed a little quick for the couple from the bus to have been killed and the girl put in a pie.

People have said it isn't original but I can't remember the last horror film I saw with an original idea. There's only so many ways people can get killed isn't there?

It kinda felt like this isn't the sort of genre you're comfortable with, just with it being so funny, but it works so if I was you I'd write more horrors.

Well done, mate.


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alffy
Posted: March 9th, 2008, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for checking this out guys.


Quoted from zack
It is the "Evil Dead" of short horror scripts

Thanks, that's one of my favourite films.  Glad you liked the humour and 10 out of 10, wow thanks again mate.


Quoted from zombie sean
The title reminds me of that song from Sweeny Todd about Meat Pies
  
Strangely I wrote this before I went to see Sweeny Todd then realised the similarity in the pie story but thought what the hell. lol.
Oh sorry about the spelling, that was our lasses job so she's now fired!


Quoted from wilbur
Also I liked the American Werewolf in London tie in with the slaughtered lamb, I thought that was pretty clever
  
Again, I love this film so couldn't resist the oportunity to name drop it in.


Quoted from stebrown
Really funny and the three lads were very well developed

Cheers ste, I have trouble with my characters usually.


Quoted from stebrown
It kinda felt like this isn't the sort of genre you're comfortable with, just with it being so funny, but it works so if I was you I'd write more horrors

Strangely most of my shorts are comedies but one and only feature is a horror.

Thanks again guys, I'll try and comment on the other scarefes episodes asap but unfortunately I don't hav the internet at the mo as I've just moved but I'll keep borrowing my mates internet.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here

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alffy  -  March 9th, 2008, 3:52pm
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Dreamscale
Posted: March 9th, 2008, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Alffy, just read this one.  I agree that it is far from original, but then again, there aren't many things that you can really call original anymore, so no big deal.  It reminds me very much of another script I read on here awhile ago...right down to the finger nail in the pie thing.  I also agree that having the couple from the Coach (is that supposed to be a bus?) turn out to be already killed and in the pies is kind of ridiculous, but I think you were going for complete ridiculousness and over the topness.

It was a bit funny in places and obviously was intended to be.  I personally am not a fan of "funny" horror pieces, but that's just me.  I think the humor saved this piece and made it engaging.

Lots of grammr errors and mis-spellings thoughout.  It sems like this is a rough draft almost. Most of the characters, other than the 3 guys, just all of a sudden appear in the script and don't seem to have much substance, but again, for what it is, that's probably your intention.

The ending is odd, to say the least.  I see you're going for humor here again, but I don't think it quite works the way you wanted it to.  Maybe it just didn't work for me though, who knows?

Interesting though to say the least.  Up the irons, mate!  
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sniper
Posted: March 10th, 2008, 7:54am Report to Moderator
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Hey Alffy,

This was a nice little short. Like the others have said it was more fun than scary but that's alright. Not much new here, a classic case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Some of the Brittish slang went right over my head but I think I got most of it but it was kinda difficult to tell the three guys apart. I think a little physical description of each wouldn't hurt.

All in all a good little funny gore flick that kinda reminded me of my own Every Knee Shall Bow (Double Carnage).

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load

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sniper  -  March 11th, 2008, 2:50pm
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alffy
Posted: March 10th, 2008, 9:07am Report to Moderator
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Cheers for the reads guys


Quoted from dreamscale
I also agree that having the couple from the Coach (is that supposed to be a bus?) turn out to be already killed and in the pies is kind of ridiculous, but I think you were going for complete ridiculousness and over the topness.

A coach is a big bus and yeah I was going for a slightly ridiculous story.


Quoted from dreamscale
Lots of grammr errors and mis-spellings thoughout.

A lot have commented on this but I gave it a good proof read so there can
t be too many.  I wonder if it is the northern slang that you misinterpret as grammer and spelling errors?


Quoted from sniper
All in all a good little funny gore flick that kinda reminded me of my own Every Knee Shall Bow

Thanks for reading but I don't recall your script so I might have to check it out.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Blakkwolfe
Posted: March 10th, 2008, 6:45pm Report to Moderator
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For some reason, I'm going skip the pot pie tonight...Really liked this...Very funny and delivered the gruesome goods in fine manner...The ending was perfect...Liked the English (as in UK) flavor to this; it definitly had that dry British wit about it...Loved the Head's Up line...Good character development of the lads, although the Butcher and Jess were a little hard to keep track off and a little flat-Why do they do what they do? Does it bother them at all?...Very good getting the boys in trouble and creatively getting them out of it because of thier characters...If Mozza wasn't a chef, he may not have come to that conclusion....Theme has been done here before (Double Carnage, I think), but I liked the dark comic slant to the twisted little tale.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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Murphy
Posted: March 10th, 2008, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
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Abberston Village, Are you sure this is not Royston Vassey?

Like others said more a comedy than a horror, but a good one though. I really enjoyed it, was a good laugh. It does for Solyent Greeen what Shaun of the Dead does to Dawn of the Dead. It is the kind of thing I could def seen filmed, something like the comic strip used to make years ago. Yes it is cliched, but things like this are supposed to be cliched are they not?

Really good script, great characters (though agree with the comment about a little more description, would help picture them as different people) and wonderful and funny dialogue.

Not sure I saw too many mistakes, I do not usually do this but Mark did this for me a couple of times in a review and it actually really helped me, hope you don't think I am being picky as I know what it is like, I can read a script a hundred times and just not see what is obvious to someone else, it's weird sometimes!



Quoted Text
A small market square surrounding by local shops



Quoted Text
Gav and the others step down form the coach



Quoted Text
his beard hides hi features


That's all I noticed anyway.


So really well done, I enjoyed reading this very much.

Gary


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alffy
Posted: March 11th, 2008, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from blakkwolfe
Really liked this...Very funny and delivered the gruesome goods in fine manner...The ending was perfect...Liked the English (as in UK) flavor to this

Thanks mate really glad you got the feel.  Rewrote the ending and I myself like the one I went with.


Quoted from blakkwolfe
I liked the dark comic slant to the twisted little tale

That's the slant I was going for lol.

Thanks greatly for your comments, much appreciated.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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alffy
Posted: March 11th, 2008, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from GM
Abberston Village, Are you sure this is not Royston Vassey?

I've been rumbled lol!


Quoted from GM
It is the kind of thing I could def seen filmed, something like the comic strip used to make years ago.

Wow that would be cool, I used to love the Comic Strip.

No worries about picking up on the spelling, I always miss some lol.


Quoted from GM
Really good script, great characters and wonderful and funny dialogue.

Thanks Gary


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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CindyLKeller
Posted: March 12th, 2008, 9:45am Report to Moderator
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Hey alffy,

It's all in the timing  ...

and how when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did.
One example: the freezer.

I enjoyed the British accents.  Although this has been done before, I think the accents helped to add originality to the script. And I loved the line "Have a day off mate." I think I'll use that one soon. LOL

I  can tell you had fun writing this, and really that's all that matters when it is all said, done, and over with, isn't it?
When you love what you're doing, it shows.

Cindy



Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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James McClung
Posted: March 15th, 2008, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
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Wow! This was good. One of the best shorts I've read on the site, for sure. I'm going to have to disagree that this wasn't very original. Sure, the formula's been used before but setting a story that usually takes place in the American Midwest in the English countryside was a stroke of brilliance IMO. I think more horror movies need to be set here. The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are American Werewolf In London (I appreciated the reference, BTW) and Straw Dogs (technically not a horror movie). The location wasn't the only change though. There was definitely a healthy batch of British humor here, which I loved. It's like Texas Chainsaw meets Monty Python. I also loved the characters. Even if I like the characters in something like this, it's usually the carnage that offers the appeal but I think your characters really stood out, not because they were funny (which they were) but because no matter how bad things got, they were able to keep their cool. The ending was a bit of a shock as well but appropriate for what you setup and I don't think it's ever been done before so kudos.

I feel like I'm giving a bad review if I'm not unloading a batch of pointers and criticisms but I do think this script was pretty flawless. Definitely in my top ten of best shorts on SS. Anyway, I think I've gushed enough so I'll simply say good job, Alffy. Always a pleasure.


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