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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Storm Warning Moderators: bert
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  Author    Storm Warning  (currently 2174 views)
Don
Posted: April 3rd, 2008, 9:28pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Storm Warning by Matt Thompson (dark shape) - Horror - A teenager must protect her family from a psychopath during a harrowing thunderstorm. 99 pages - pdf, format


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Dark Shape
Posted: April 14th, 2008, 10:35pm Report to Moderator
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Well, I'm a bit late chiming in on this one.

Storm Warning's an interesting script for me.  The previous script I wrote (with a partner) was high-concept to the extreme -- big setting, a huge amount of characters, a very pulpy tone, etc.  And this is kind of the answer to that.  The cast is fairly small and the setting's intimate.  I really, really tried to focus on the characters.  My goal in life is to write a slasher flick that makes people cry.  I don't think I'm there yet, but I think that's the appeal of this over other slasher screenplays; there's a seriousness to it and the deaths all have weight.

I'm curious to see what the board thinks of it.
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Sham
Posted: April 16th, 2008, 9:12pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, Matt!

I know the anticipation of seeing a new comment on your screenplay is exciting and grueling. A lot of readers never get right to the point and take forever to deliver an overall opinion, kind of like what I’m doing now. So let’s get to it!

Along with Bo Ransdell’s Vermin, Storm Warning is the best unproduced horror script I’ve read on this site. Your brutal depiction of a family under siege is gripping and graphic. This is one of the few screenplays I can happily say is a page-turner. It grabs you and doesn’t let go.

In the wrong hands, Storm Warning could be another pointless entry in the “home invaders” genus that is seriously losing its appeal. However, it’s your style – your strength as a storyteller – that makes this a compelling read. Sure, you have a couple of clichés. The keys being left in the tractor; the scarecrow moving its head; the obligatory “help character” that serves no other purpose than provide a false sense of security, then die. Not to mention the phone lines being cut…and a cell phone that doesn’t get service at home.

However, I believed every minute of it. I was along for the ride.

I am curious about a couple of things, though. I found it interesting your killer doesn’t have a motive, yet a good chunk of the beginning is spent with the police investigating her crimes. If she doesn’t need a motive, why bother trying to attempt an answer at one? The only seriously detracting downside is that your focus seems lost at first. The prison bus serves as an escape for the villain, but I found it perfunctory. Why do we have to see her escape? Why do we have to see the deaths that follow? Couldn’t an empty bus seat get the same alarming reaction you’re looking for without being overly gratuitous?

The biggest strength of your screenplay is your unflinching approach to the deaths…you establish likable characters and show no mercy in making them suffer. When one of the young ones died, I didn’t want to believe it at first. All I could think was, “No way. He’ll come back in a little bit.” And he never did. I was dumbfounded that you got the balls to continue with the story. At that moment, I was pleased I was reading a horror movie with actual horror. The rawness…the visceral terror…that’s why this works.

Your characters are great. The emotional backstory with the dead mother is terrifically handled, especially between the viewpoints on keeping the family’s property. I absolutely loved Kayleigh’s change of heart at the end of the film. It’s a terrific closing and reminds the audience that these are people with emotion and heart and not just pieces of meat. It’s a reason for them to live, and a reason for the audience to encourage their survival.

You say you want to create an emotional slasher movie. This one isn’t a tearjerker, but it tests your nerves and puts you in a paralyzing grip. You can’t ask for much more than that.


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Dark Shape
Posted: April 16th, 2008, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, Sham.  Thanks so much for wading through the script.  As you predicted, my nerves were spiking as I read your comments.  I'll address a few of 'em.


Quoted from Sham
In the wrong hands, Storm Warning could be another pointless entry in the “home invaders” genus that is seriously losing its appeal. However, it’s your style – your strength as a storyteller – that makes this a compelling read. Sure, you have a couple of clichés. The keys being left in the tractor; the scarecrow moving its head; the obligatory “help character” that serves no other purpose than provide a false sense of security, then die. Not to mention the phone lines being cut…and a cell phone that doesn’t get service at home.


A funny thing about this, at least when it comes to the genesis of the script.  Adam was originally born out of a need for a subplot -- something to have in the back of my characters' minds.  The loss of the mother and the future of the farm all branched out from that.  Amazing how such a small thing really ends up improving the script on a character level, I think.

As for the clichés, guilty as charged.  Some of them, such as the scarecrow moving its head, are there because I'm a sucker for that kind of imagery.


Quoted from Sham
I am curious about a couple of things, though. I found it interesting your killer doesn’t have a motive, yet a good chunk of the beginning is spent with the police investigating her crimes. If she doesn’t need a motive, why bother trying to attempt an answer at one? The only seriously detracting downside is that your focus seems lost at first. The prison bus serves as an escape for the villain, but I found it perfunctory. Why do we have to see her escape? Why do we have to see the deaths that follow? Couldn’t an empty bus seat get the same alarming reaction you’re looking for without being overly gratuitous?


My reasons for these are two-fold.  One, from purely a market sensibility, I can't get away with a non-existent killer for forty minutes.  It's one of the cruel truths of the mainstream horror genre.

But more importantly, I really wanted to make Mackenzie twisted and scary before she ever does anything to my characters, the ones the audience is (hopefully) attached to.  My favorite film of all time is Halloween.  In that film, I believe Dr. Loomis primarily exists to make the audience scared of Michael Myers long before he ever really does anything (the first major kill comes, I think, an hour into the film).  This was me attempting to do that on a more visceral level.

Earlier, you mentioned Adam serving as a false sense of security for the audience, and that's true.  I was also trying to do the same thing with Brenner.  He's introduced in such a way that he seems important and he lasts a good long while.  I want the audience to think he's going to save the day -- to pull a Loomis, if you will -- only for Mackenzie to dispatch him before the hour point.  I'd like to think it's surprising (though I'd also like to think Halloween III is an interesting movie.  So what do I know?)


Quoted from Sham
The biggest strength of your screenplay is your unflinching approach to the deaths…you establish likable characters and show no mercy in making them suffer. When one of the young ones died, I didn’t want to believe it at first. All I could think was, “No way. He’ll come back in a little bit.” And he never did. I was dumbfounded that you got the balls to continue with the story. At that moment, I was pleased I was reading a horror movie with actual horror. The rawness…the visceral terror…that’s why this works.


Good!  This is the aspect I'm most proud of and I'm glad it connected with you.  A friend of mine says the script borders on cruelty and I think he's right.

Also, when it comes to the death of the child, I had so much trouble figuring out how to approach that -- or whether a reader would want to keep going after that point.  I went so far as to give Brenner a few lines -- "There are no rules here, David.  No safe boundaries of decency.  This woman will kill anyone that crosses her path." -- as a way to try and prepare an audience for what's to come.

Thanks so much for reading, Sham.  I appreciate the time you took and the in-depth review.  It makes me feel... well, let's just say I'm happy at the moment

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