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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  A Reason To Kill Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Reason To Kill  (currently 1684 views)
Don
Posted: May 27th, 2008, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Reason To Kill by Ebony Richard - Horror - A married couple comes home to the most horrific site they'll ever see, destroying whats left of their marriage.  Husband John, unable to cope with the loss carries out a wave of vigilante justice, only to find out the person he's really looking for has moved in on his estranged family.  Nothing is what it seems in this who dun it horror, but everything done in the dark will come to light.  Or will it? 94 pages - doc, format


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pippo
Posted: May 30th, 2008, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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Ok. Reasonable story, a little predictable. Have to ask...had you just seen Saw?

Few Criticisms:

You don't tell us how old the youths and children are...Its always 'Young Child' etc..how old 2yrs or 18yrs old...major difference in reactions.

When Dillon finds Jennifer  "a few days later"...er...aren't these teenages? wouldn't someone have reported her missing, ergo wouldn't her friends have been interviewed already?

The finale...er how does John know who has shawn and where to find him...there's no refernece to this earlier.

Loads of references to things that the camera can't pick up...e.g "Eager, Dillon walks toward the snack stand.  Snacks and Stacy, the combination
is to enticing to ignore."

A few spelling and grammar errors. read through again. Through not threw.  At one point the teacher says "  - ,I am Derrick".

Sounds really damming, Its not. I quite enjoyed reading it. Just a few tweaks required.


Box? what box? No-one told me I was supposed to think inside a box!
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rayerich3
Posted: July 25th, 2008, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and feedback pippo.  Its a big help to get a fresh pair of eyes.
I didn't think I needed to say exactly how old the kids were since I had already said the scene was outside of an elementary school, but maybe I should be more specific.  

Steven took Shawn to the same abandoned warehouse that John had followed him to earlier in the script (the one John took the photos of).

Thanks for the grammar corrections.  Its so hard to read the same thing over and over and see where you made an error.  I really do appreciate the help.  Sorry I took so long to reply.
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