Unprotected Sex by PC (me) - Short, Sick Comedy - A young woman learns the horrible truth about her fiance. 2 pages - pdf, format

That was seriously twisted......well done!!

Nugget, thanks for reading.

This thread used to be a lot longer. I suspect it was one of those affected during the great SS board meltdown of summer -08.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. It was pretty much a 50/50 hit or miss with readers. Some people thought it was really funny, interestingly most of those were outside the US, the people that hated it the most seemed to be here in the US. That's why I hate trying to do comedy, everyone's idea of what's funny varies so much.

I should also mention that this one has been filmed and is almost ready to be shown!

Again thanks for reading.  

I remember this one.

I'm not sure what has changed in this draft, but you tell a much bigger story in two small pages.

This script is good, but I think you can make it better yet.

I think you reveal what is about to happen too soon, even for a two page script when you say he is a mortician.

I think that should be the knockout punch in this script (at the end).

Just my thoughts,
Cindy

Well for starters this scenerio is highly unlikely. Maggots only eat dead flesh thus even if some how maggots got inside the woman during intercourse. It would surely die within days. So no she would feel no discomfort by the parasite.

There is a cheap oh gross factor that comes with the surprise ending but soon aftwards I was asking myself well what's the point?

However for a two page script it was still better than alot of other scripts I have read.

From an actors point of view, this is little story justification to merit an actor wanting to play the girl.

From a directors point of view, I could not justify to my audience why I wanted to tell such a twisted story. Again what's the point?

As a writer there is nothing wrong with writing a twisted commedy but you need to justify it's exisitence.

Bottom line give us a reason why you are taking us through this twisted story. If you convince us, we will go there with the character.

Hi Pia,

I thought this was a good script.  And if you hadn't wrote this I would've.  

As I have heard a true story about ten years ago when I lived in N.Ireland.  A guy worked in a morgue shagged his girlfriend in Belfast and she got a type of insect from a dead body, don't think it was maggots but something else.  Made me laugh with disgust.

Funny thing is, her parents took her to the hospital as she was running a high fever and the Doctors knew she wasn't responsible as the insect only came from dead people.  And she discovered this info with her parents.

Good script, wish I wrote mine first.  Now I won't bother.

All the best,


Javier

As soon as I saw the title for this one I thought it was gonna be a Jayrex script.

Didn't get a laugh out of this one, didn't get any reaction out of it. It was so unbelieveable it blocked my supension of disbleife- and that's a hard thing to do.

Oh yeah, and maggots are cool. I don't understand why they get so much disrespect. They're natures little garbage cleaners and they work hard.

Quoted from tonkatough As soon as I saw the title for this one I thought it was gonna be a Jayrex script.

It would have been, lol.

Although the scenario is highly unlikely, it is not totally impossible. Or at least so impossible that it upsets the flow of the script. It is a comedy after all.

"Myiasis  is an animal or human disease caused by parasitic dipterous fly larvae feeding on the host's necrotic or living tissue. Colloquialisms for Myiasis include "fly-strike" and "fly-blown".

German entomologist Fritz Zumpt describes myiasis as "the infestation of live human and vertebrate animals with dipterous larvae (maggots), which at least for a period, feed on the host's dead or living tissue, liquid body substances, or ingested food."

There are three main fly families causing economically important myiasis in livestock and also, occasionally, in humans:

Oestroidea (botflies)
Calliphoridae (blowflies)
Sarcophagidae (fleshflies)
Other families occasionally involved are:

Anisopodidae
Piophilidae
Stratiomyidae
Syrphidae

The adult flies are not parasitic, but when they lay their eggs in open wounds and these hatch into their larval stage (also known as maggots or grubs), the larvae feed on live and/or necrotic tissue, causing myiasis to develop. They may also be ingested or enter through other body apertures.


Appears to be possible from that info.

: )

Wow Rick. Did you just Wiki all that info to prove a point. Or have you been doing research for your own script?

Color me impressed.  

Of all my scripts... this has to be the one that gets attention!  

Cindy, thanks for rereading. I haven't touched anything on this one. It's the same on as earlier. Still appreciate your input though.  

eric... "Well for starters this scenerio is highly unlikely. Maggots only eat dead flesh thus even if some how maggots got inside the woman during intercourse. It would surely die within days. So no she would feel no discomfort by the parasite."

This reminds me of the old thread for this script where a similar discussion happened.
Regarding your statements about maggots, it's simply not true. Anyone who's ever worked in the healthcare industry will be able to tell you that even in "clean" hospitals, infestations in wounds, especially bed sores are possible and most have seen it. It's gross btw.

"There is a cheap oh gross factor that comes with the surprise ending but soon aftwards I was asking myself well what's the point?"
What's the point of most scripts? I write all the time because that's what I like to do. Sometime it's horror, sometimes drama sometimes comedy. This was intended to be comedy. Just a joke really. Intended to make people chuckle... or not. What other reason do I need? Does everything we write need to have some deeper meaning? There's an explosion of micro-short (5 pages or less) comedy shorts on the web. They are basically intended to give people a quick laugh while on the commuter train or cruising the net. They are not written or filmed to be Oscar contenders or providing deep profound thoughts. If you want, you can check out my 1 page drama "End of the Tour". I personally think that one is pretty good for one page and says a lot. Btw, that one was filmed by the same director that filmed this maggot one.

"However for a two page script it was still better than alot of other scripts I have read."
Thanks!  

"From an actors point of view, this is little story justification to merit an actor wanting to play the girl."
Why? There are more actors looking for jobs than there are jobs and this one doesn't need nudity or anything. Other than the word a** and subject matter, this is pretty tame.

"From a directors point of view, I could not justify to my audience why I wanted to tell such a twisted story. Again what's the point?"
See my comment above about micro short comedies. Believe it or not, but there's even money in those!!

"As a writer there is nothing wrong with writing a twisted commedy but you need to justify it's exisitence."
It's a joke....  Some people liked it, some didn't. That's typical for comedy.

I appreciate you reading Eric. I really do. Hopefully you can understand my point of view too.  

I'll get to the rest later. I've got a script to fix up before midnight.  

Quoted from tonkatough Didn't get a laugh out of this one

Oh I did.  Once I read "dead people never complain about anything" I knew the outcome right there.  I laughed my A** off.

Quoted from jayrex    As I have heard a true story about ten years ago when I lived in N.Ireland.  A guy worked in a morgue shagged his girlfriend in Belfast and she got a type of insect from a dead body, don't think it was maggots but something else.  Made me laugh with disgust.

Gross!
They better burn me quick when I die cos' I'd haunt that person till their death.
Eww!

Quoted from me Of all my scripts... this has to be the one that gets attention!   I'll get to the rest later. I've got a script to fix up before midnight.

***
There is a cheap oh gross factor that comes with the surprise ending but soon aftwards I was asking myself well what's the point?"
What's the point of most scripts? I write all the time because that's what I like to do. Sometime it's horror, sometimes drama sometimes comedy. This was intended to be comedy. Just a joke really. Intended to make people chuckle... or not. What other reason do I need? Does everything we write need to have some deeper meaning? There's an explosion of micro-short (5 pages or less) comedy shorts on the web. They are basically intended to give people a quick laugh while on the commuter train or cruising the net. They are not written or filmed to be Oscar contenders or providing deep profound thoughts. If you want, you can check out my 1 page drama****

You are right not all scripts need to have some profound message for them to be entertaining, but movie's like Monty Pathon, Ace Venturas and Jude Aptow's (spelling not included) movies are absurd and able retain a measure of satire.

When I exclaimed what's the point? I meant, where's the payoff? As an audience memebr if I were to give you 3 minutes of my life to watch your film, I would like to think you would care enough to give me a payoff.


All films regardless if size need a turning point - a set up and payoff.


Girl goes to the doctor because she has an itch only to find out her boyfriend has been messing around with dead people. (set up)

Girl sues her boyfriend for a million and runs away with the doctor. (pay off)  


****"From an actors point of view, this is little story justification to merit an actor wanting to play the girl."
Why? There are more actors looking for jobs than there are jobs and this one doesn't need nudity or anything. Other than the word a** and subject matter, this is pretty tame.****

As a director I have worked with actors of all levels, and very protective of them. The botton line is actors are people not props and a good actor won't do a script for the sake of doing a movie. There has to be something in it for them.

BTW nudity isn't the issue for most actors, as long as the script is right. The issue will certainly be the execution of the subject matter.


***"From a directors point of view, I could not justify to my audience why I wanted to tell such a twisted story. Again what's the point?"
See my comment above about micro short comedies. Believe it or not, but there's even money in those!!***

Give me one example and I will check it out.


***"As a writer there is nothing wrong with writing a twisted commedy but you need to justify it's exisitence."
It's a joke....  Some people liked it, some didn't. That's typical for comedy.

I appreciate you reading Eric. I really do. Hopefully you can understand my point of view too.  ***

Like I said before, I am not turned off by your premise. I only think the execution needs some work. If you ever need some advise on screenplays, formatting or structure just ask. I would like to help.

Eric. There is a perfectly fine set up and pay off in this script.

The set up is that the girl has an itch. The audience expectation is that she has a sexually transmitted disease given to her by her boyfriend

The pay off is in finding out that the situation is far worse. She is being eaten alive from inside by maggots becuase her boyfriend has been sleeping with dead people.

That is a textbook payoff.

The only slight problem with the script is that the punchline was telegraphed a bit too early, which is why it feels as though there isn't a pay off.

As regards these kind of films paying. Check out atomfilms, revver and even Youtube now (Although you have to be officially selected by Youtube themselves). They share the advertising revenue 50/50 with filmmakers. A short watched by 1M viewers will now net you around $20,000.

Shorts with titles including the word "Sex" also tend to be amongst the most popular.