Thank You For Calling by Chad Carr (reason01) - Short, Comedy - 5 Star vacations has promoted an arrogant employee to "marketing director" to change a D list telemarketing center into the an A list with a bunch of 20 somethings that dont give a damn. 21 pages - pdf, format

Hey Chad,

SPOILERS




The dialogue kept me interested in this one. Lots of funny lines, but right about page 20 I almost put it down, that is until I saw that there was only one more page left.

Why?

Well most of the dialogue (even though it was very funny) was about workers sex lives, and the repetition made it dull and boring after a while.

What were they selling?

Is this the set-up for a larger story? I ask this because I flet like I was hanging at the end.

I think Mr. Miller needs a bigger problem to solve other than his employees sex lives.

Cindy

Hi Chad,
To repeat what Cindy said, some of the dialogue was really funny, but it just didn't move the plot forward. I felt like I was reading a bunch of one liners that could've belonged anywhere.
There were a bunch of errors with the same character speaking twice in a row that showed you needed a solid proof read before submitting it. I do think there were a few funny sequences, but they diverted from the plot, so they really served no purpose to the story. All of your characters were realistic, but none of them did anything to stand out as someone the reader would root for.
I'd focus on having all your scenes relevant to the overall story, then you'll have yourself a solid read.