John, you had a lot of things that we're promising with this story, but a few things took me out of the script. I'd suggest switching character names, Mario and Miguel blend together. A lot of the dialogue is on the spot, maybe a little subtext would help? Don't capitalize your dialogue, not good. pg 8 "mario looks frustrated" He knows he cannot stop Miguel from pursuing this case. it all reads a bit CSI. This falls into the category of "un-filmable" Show us their character traits instead. Not to be harsh, your story is really solid and is entertaining, the execution just needs a little fine tuning. Good work!
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