DrIvE Time by Adam Nadworniak (adamTheMovieguy) - Thriller - One day Daniel Glide's  normal perfect life is turned upside down when he's driving home from work he turns of the radio and little by little he comes to realize that the radio host is talking directly to Dan. Dan thinks it's a joke and then the host of the Show "MAD MIKE" tells Dan he has kidnapped his wife and he will kill her if he doesn't compete in his drive time radio contest. MAD MIKE tells Dan that he is broadcasting on a frequency he owns and that nobody else can listen to. "MADE MIKE" toys with Dan by playing songs that have secret meaning such as songs about LOVE, Death, Murder, Marrage, Babies, he also plays songs about driving. MIKE makes Dan do many horrable things over the cource of the story which leads to a twist ending climax. 90 pages - pdf, format

Great Job! I was on the edge of my seat for the ending. Did you ever think about fleshing out Mike a little more? As it stands he reminds me a lot of Jigsaw from the saw series. And perhaps have the victims react differently to the situation it seems like everyone just keeps repeating Oh God Oh God. The ending was good but I expected more of a twist. I know it's hard to put a great big twist on a horror but though yours was good I really didnt get that ummpph! Hell of a job though. I'm looking forward to more.

Dialogue ain’t too bad in the beginning, it could use some proofing and it would be fine.  But after that the dialogue goes down hill I think.  After Daniel leaves the other woman, he’s talking to himself too much as if you were trying to convey what he’s thinking at that moment…when you could just have him look around, irritated, and punch the steering wheel.

Some of the radio bits in the beginning definitely need to be cut (like Mitch Lumberg and Sam Otterman) so we can get right down to brass tacks with this whole kidnapping thing.

Page 25 - don’t you think Sarah’s reaction to Robert’s screams and curses is a little…off?  She should be more like “hey!  Hey, don’t scream.  You’re not alone in here.”

LOL Page 49 - can you make it any more obvious that you’re taking from Gandolfini’s dialogue in True Romance when he talks about the first time killing, the second, etc

Your version:

You see Daniel the first time is
always the hardest when you kill
somebody. I don't care if you're
The Boston Strangler or Wyatt Earp
or Jack the ripper. You can bet
that Texas boy, Charles Whitman,
that guy thirty years ago who
climbed a clock tower and killed
all those people! I'll bet you
Daniel Dollars to Doughnuts that
first poor bastard he killed was
the hardest one it always is., The
second one, while it isn't no
F**king Disney land, it isn't as
hard as the first one. But you
still feel it, you still feel that
hurt in the pit of you stomach.
Then the more you kill it's start
to level off. You feel that pain
disappear. You feel subside and it
changes it excitement and
enjoyment. The more you kill the
more it makes you feel alive. Just
try it out. Kill Harry.

True Romance:

Now the first time you kill somebody,
that's the hardest. I don't give a s*** if
you're f****n' Wyatt Earp or Jack the
Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas?
The guy up in that f****n' tower that
killed all them people? I'll bet you green
money that first little black dot he took
a bead on, that was the b**** of the bunch.
First one is tough, no f****n' foolin'. The
second one... the second one ain't no f****n'
Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the
first one 'cause you still feel the same thing,
y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's...
it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe
that? Then the third one... the third one is
easy, you level right off. It's no problem.
Now... s***... now I do it just to watch their
f****n' expression change.

I can understand taking an idea from a movie, maybe a line or two here or there, but a whole speech like that is overkill. Imo

This script kind of reminds me of Phone Booth so far but in a car.

Nice ending, but I was expecting something like that since Sarah had company in Mad Mike’s basement.

Not a bad idea.  Just tighten things up, read over things for errors (because there’s a lot), and work on this really hard.  It’s a really cool concept you have here.

If this guy is plagiarizing, the script should be removed from the boards and Adam's membership, here, removed.


Phil

It doesn't look like total plagiarism, but I will say it could be on the brink...or worse, he could've done it word for word.