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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Forben Moderators: bert
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  Author    Forben  (currently 3329 views)
Don
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 12:47pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Forben: Episode 01 by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Short, Animated - Forben. A man who lives in a world of emptiness, awkwardness, where people are not shy towards each other, where small girls seduce married men. In this episode, follow Forben as he dodges obstacles while on his way to a convention center for people with financial aide, and just losers in general. 11 pages   Caution: Very Disturbing Imagery - pdf, format

Forben: Episode 02 by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Short, Animated - The cops are after Forben, and he must "clean up" whatever "evidence" is inside his house. But before he can clean up, he must chase after Mr. Percy Collins. Obstacles must be overcome! But can Forben overcome his obstacles? - pdf, format

Forben: Episode 03 by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Short, Animated - Forben embarks on a musical adventure as he finds an eatery to satisfy his hunger! (Plus, to experience a sensation that will stimulate his private area). - pdf, format

Forben: Episode 04 by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Short, Animated - Forben is given advice to start seeing other people from his dead friend while in a cemetery. Even if it's a large, very overweight woman with crusty stuff beneath her fat rolls. 9 pages - pdf, format

Forben: Episode 05 - The Super Ultra-Extreme, Awesomely-Awesome, Disturbingly-Delicious Halloween Special!!! by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Series, Short, Animated - In this Halloween special, Forben gets his holiday mixed up with Christmas, but is able to quickly resolve it with a friend of his. But will he be able to defeat the evil Mr. Percy Collins in time to create his pumpkin carving tutorial class? - pdf, format


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Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 31st, 2008, 4:39pm
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bert
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 1:29pm Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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Sean -- have you started using drugs, son?

I have only had time to look at the first "episode", but I really like it.

There are a few things I am not crazy about -- but I hesitate to encourage you to stray from your vision on this one.

I wouldn't change anything.  Sometimes you are right and everybody else is wrong.  This is one of those times.

I will have to read the others and see if you can really keep this up.

Have you ever read "Naked Lunch" by William Burroughs?  I think you have reached the age where this is now recommended reading.

[edit:  Why do you feel this must be animated?]


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Shawnkjr
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 2:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean.

I read this....the 1st episode
Though it's definitely strange and otherworldly and seems to be inspired by heavy-duty drug use and craps on and laughs at anything PC....I can say that I enjoyed it......I think.

It really does remind me of the work of Jhonen Vazquez (Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, Squee, Invader Zim). and that's how I pictured the animation. Maybe you should check him out.
It all seems a bit random but I'm sure that was done purposely. Maybe I should read the other eps to get get a full grasp of this. How many are planned?

Keep thinking WAYYY outside of the box. lol

-SHAWN


Scarefest 2 presents: Home Malone - Short/Horror http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1220187087/
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Zombie Sean
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 4:20pm Report to Moderator
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Don,

Thanks for getting this up so quickly! I appreciate it greatly.

Bert,

You have no idea how relieved I was when I read that you liked the first episode. Seriously. Ha ha. I really had no idea how anyone would take this. No, I have not started drugs, nor do I plan on it, ha, but that was the idea I was going for. Don't hesitate unless you think it's good for the both of us. All feedback is fine...I hope...I'm going to try my best to stick to this series for a while, and I'm going to try my best to stick to the ideas I've presented in these scripts. I've never read that, but now you've got me curious. I'll check it out and see what's up about it. (And I feel as though it should be animated because I was inspired by Salad Fingers and, if it were ever animated, I'd like it to have that creepy, weird feeling that Salad Fingers has, because I think you can go further with animation rather than live action).

Shawn,

Well...if you've made up your mind and you did enjoy it, I'm glad. Like I told Bert, I didn't know how people were going to take this series, so I was kind of afraid to read the comments you two left, to tell you the truth. And I LOVE Invader Zim (have all episodes) and I can see what you're talking about. That show is probably the weirdest show I've ever seen in my life and I love it. I love weird. Random was the main goal for this, but I didn't want it all to be random, I wanted to have some plot in it...So I hope people find it...And I'm not sure how many episodes I have planned. I guess until things just stop popping up in my head. But I hope this goes on for a while. And trust me, I will continue to think out of the box. I'm enjoying it

Thanks for reading and the comments!

Sean
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Sham
Posted: August 12th, 2008, 12:44am Report to Moderator
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Hi, Sean! I read your first episode.


Quoted from Shawnkjr
It really does remind me of the work of Jhonen Vazquez (Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, Squee, Invader Zim).

I pictured this as well, especially Invader Zim's quarkiness. You've really captured the style of a manic cartoon. Everything is unexpected, but everything fits. You've told a coherent story that's actually unconventional.

My favorite bit is Forben's friend nesting in his nostrils. It's not only a fantastic visual, but a good story element that you could really have fun with in the future.

My only complaint is that this episode remains incomplete. It makes me want to read the next episode, that's for sure, but you've accomplished that in the cheapest way possible. If you can complete a full story and still make the reader want to come back, that's when you know you've got a winner on your hands.

Overall, though, this is a good introduction to a series that, quite frankly, can go anywhere from here. Count me in.


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Zombie Sean
Posted: August 12th, 2008, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
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Sham,

As I started to do stuff with George the Cockroach and how him and Forben interacted with each other, it started to remind me about Wall-E and the cockroach's relationship in WALL-E. Though, I didn't really plan on using George too much later on as you will find out if and when you read more episodes.

Yeh I see what you mean about incomplete, but I want to try and keep the episodes to a maximum of 10 pages or less. I just hope you don't feel the same way about the other episodes because I have a feeling I've done the same to them too...But I guess we'll see!

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reading!

Sean
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Zombie Sean
Posted: September 7th, 2008, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
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Hey guys,

Episode 4 is up. I hope it keeps up with the rest of the other episodes. And Don, I just noticed that you put "Caution: Very Disturbing Imagery" next to the first episode's logline. I think that's a good idea, just to let people know what they're getting into...

Sean
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: September 21st, 2008, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, Sean. I just read the first episode.

Everything about this says Johnen Vazquez. Everything down to the very imagery and cooky story. He must be a big inspiration for you. I really like his work (have you checked out "Everything Can Be Beaten"? It's a great story).

I really enjoyed reading this because I felt like I was watching Invader Zim all over again, only crazier and more profane. There's never been a cartoon quite like it.

Actually, this seemed more like a cross between that and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.

I must say, I think Forben is a sort of bland and gross character, but he is a great vessel thorugh which we, the readers, are transported into this razy and twisted world that you've created.

I liked it.

--Julio
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Zombie Sean
Posted: September 22nd, 2008, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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Julio,


Glad you liked my weirdest scripts out of all I've written.

To be honest with you, and everyone else, I wasn't really thinking Invader Zim as I was writing these, but I now use it as an inspiration because I see similarities, though, Forben is more adult than Nickalodeon-esque. I don't think I've seen Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, but I'll check it out. Glad you liked it.

Sean
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jayrex
Posted: May 17th, 2009, 10:15am Report to Moderator
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Hello Sean,

Just finished the first episode and thought it was a great read.  Very interesting idea that kept me wondering where this was going.  And all this weird stuff happening.  Made for an entertaining read.

I thought the "He tastes like happy" line was great.  I also like the George stuff.

I'm surprised not many people have given this series a read.

I'll look for to giving the rest a read.

All the best,


Javier


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jayrex
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Holy shit,

That second episode is fucked up.  Some really disturbing imagery going on.

On page nine Forben says frozen ice cream, and then later refers to his past as a girl.  Is this incorrect?

I didn't take a note of the errors I caught, but on page five you wrote lens instead of leans.

When I read the other episodes I could jot them down if you want?

This was a very interesting script.  I'm still a little shocked.  Trying to soak this all up.  It's like one massive acid trip.

Good job.

All the best,


Javier


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Zombie Sean
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
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Jay,


Wow it's been a while since I've looked back on Forben! You know what this means? Time to write another episode! Maybe a summer one....Obviously.



Anyway, thanks for reading them and I'm glad they mess with your mind! The little girl reference is...Unexplainable really. Forben has a past that not even a screenwriter can produce....or can he? *goes and begins writing 6th episode of Forben's past* No but really that's a good idea. I'm glad you liked it, and hopefully I can create more that will follow.


Sean
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jayrex
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 3:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean,

Another creative piece.

I do feel you need to channel all this quirky going ons into a story of some sort.  I don't mind reading this but feel most will.

There were some great moments in this script.

The ending was probably the best of all three.

All the best,


Javier


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jayrex
Posted: May 22nd, 2009, 5:20am Report to Moderator
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Another trippy ride into your mind.

Forben almost caught Percy.

I liked the idea that Brem wasn't who she seem to be, and then suddenly everyone wasn't who they seemed to be.  I was losing track of who was who.

I was wondering, what is Forben?

This script wasn't as OTT as the others but was still good all the same.

All the best,


Javier


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