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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Hand From Hell Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 7th, 2008, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Hand From Hell by Austin Cashell - Short, Horror - Tara is sent a fake arm in the mail that terrorizes her and her family. Killing them off one by one. Who can stop it? Find out in this short horror script. 7 pages - doc, format


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Zombie Sean
Posted: September 7th, 2008, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
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Ha ha, this was a funny script. Though, I hope you were intending on it being more comedic than scary. If not, then I'm sorry, but this is more of those comedy-horror films.

This reminded me of those films about killer dolls that come to life and...well...kill people. The thing is, these people are so weak that I'm surprised that when they fall down, they don't break every bone in their body or die considering that the doll is just a doll and can't possibly have that much strength to pin someone down. The same thing with this arm. If it's fake, it surely can't be that strong. Now if it were real, and the muscles still worked, then that might be a different story.

Your format gets way off in some dialogues. You have lopsided dialogue lines and stuff, so you might want to straighten those out.

You don't need to number your scenes or use camera angles or "we see's" unless you plan on filming this script. If you are planning on filming this script, then go right ahead and use this stuff.

The dialogue is a bit unbelievable. You have a five-year-old asking "What could be inside?" when in reality, they'd probably ask a question like, "What's inside?" And also, capitalize the characters when you introduce them because it took me a second to figure out who was Tara and who was Suzie.

I thought the part where the dad licks the blood was funny.

The ending was just so cliché, it was hilarious. That's when you need to end it with a DUN DUN DUN.

Sean
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jayrex
Posted: September 8th, 2008, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hello Austin,

Pretty funny script.  Aside from what Zombie Sean wrote, this does play out as a comedy-horror and so if that's the intention, then great.

A hand going around killing people is where you realise not to take this script seriously.  If you want to write an actually horror.  I'd watch a far east film for a few tips.  Those films are class for thinking outside the box.

Otherwise, nice script.

All the best.


Javier


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