Hello Clint,
You have a good story here that could be better. The ending could be stronger. James buying a ticket to see his kid is good, but I feel that if you had James arriving at Minneapolis with Danelle. Walking out to greet Vanessa and Riley would make for a hair rising on the back of the neck experience, that accumulating with the punchline.
What do you think?
There are a few formatting issues that you will need to correct, but as a premise. The story is good.
All the best.
Javier |