Hope by Stephen Brown (stebrown) - Short, Short - The future for God's creation is unknown. Looking on at what may be, God reaches within himself to make a powerful choice - to offer hope. 4 pages - pdf, format

Hi Ste,

Interesting story.  I think this story was entered into Moviepoet?

Well written & a good read.  I did get the feeling of despair.

I read this after the logline, as I have submitted a script about God and I didn't want my character to clash with yours.

All the best.


Javier

Cheers Javier

Yeah, this was my original idea for that months moviepoet comp, but ended up going with something else. Thought I'd see what people on here thought of it, as I was trying a few different things.

I'll look out for your God script if you're going to post it. He's a schizophrenic in this one.

Hey Ste

This was well written but I did find it a bit hard to follow at times, maybe it's just me being very tired? It's an interesting story and a moving one. The world is indeed desperate but he should also look to things that make the world beautiful, they're some if you look hard enough. Good story though and I enjoyed it.

Cheers Alffy

As for your comments about the world being beautiful, in a rewrite I'll include a super slow mo scene of Stevie Taylor leaping like a salmon to make it 1-2 just before half-time today haha.

Seriously tho, the part about it being hard to follow is the reason I didn't enter this. I wanted to expand it a touch but I was kinda lost.

This was nicely-written, but I must agree with alffy on this. It was indeed a bit hard to follow.

Well, besides that--

The script is titled Hope and yet not a trace of it can be found in the script, unless the trunk symbolizes something that I missed.

Either way, you only showed the ugly side of things, which I felt weakened the script a lot as it felt like a cheap grab at some emotion.

Lots of stories do this--it's easy for something to be saddening when there's nothing happy to bark back at it.

I think hope should be embodied and hinted at in a future draft, if only to show a glimmer of goodness in this universe you've created.

^My two cents

--Julio

Cheers Julio

God's supposed to be offering up the hope by putting himself on earth as a beggar. If he gets helped out then the world is saved, if not then there is no hope.

I know what you're saying though, and you're right. Maybe a bit more balance on the visions that he has of the world.