Treat or Trick? by Stephen Francis - Short, Young Adult, Horror - Two teenage boys, home alone on Halloween, try to pick up dates on the internet --and end up with ...a little more than they bargained for. - doc, format

Wasn't bad, had some pretty creepy moments! I think you could of made the dialog a bit more mysterious when talking online, when Tanya says she's an alien it would of been scarier without saying then revealing she's an alien if it was written like that I think when she was in the house it would of been more suspenseful and intense. The story didn't really follow the hoax and the community, I think it would of been better suited for the theme if at the end you maybe revealed a bunch of hot aliens doing this everywhere, just a thought! Overall, it was entertaining, good work!

I sort of enjoyed this one. I thought it zipped along pretty good.

You did give Tanya away by her dialogue in the text on the pc, but also when she showed up.

Your format needs a little bit to be desired. Don't underline stuff. It's only distracting and you also used size 10 font and 12 is standard. This script with size 12 font is fourteen pages.

Final thought, story was pretty good, format less good, but format is easy to fix.  

I enjoyed this one...but as mentioned above there was no hoax or scare, disbelief of the family, community, etc.

I think if this were written with regular screenwriting softwear it would have been less than 13 pages, even with size 12 font....there seemed to be a lot of space between lines.

Over all, this could be an even better story.

~m~

Hey, some good ideas here, I liked it. Although, I don't think the mum would have accepted her sons talking about smoking weed and watching porn.

It also didn't follow the whole thing set out. Also, try and fix up a few mistakes.

Well done.

Tom

Like others have said, there are some good ideas here, but the formatting is way off, text size is wrong, and all in all, it most likely is much shorter than it seems to be.

Numerous mistakes throughout in terms of spelling and verbiage.  A big prblem is that the majority of this short script takes place on a computer screen, which does not make for a very thrilliing ride.

This story dose not meet the requirements of the challenge at all.  No hoax whatsoever, no warning anyone, etc.

Not bad though over all in terms of your story.

Without meeting the theme, i'd say it was an okay story. Nothing too thrilling.

One problem i need to ask...is this something you'd want to see on screen? The ultimate goal is to have someone make what you write. And i dont see anybody wanting to make this.

Also you have the wrong font. It totally undermines the hard work other people did to wrap their story under 13 pages.

Story is good, maybe a little simplistic for the young adult group considering the games and TV shows they are exposed to. Leaving the format issues as already discovered, the dialogue between the characters was quite good. The requirements of the OWC were not wholly covered. All things considered good effort. Walford

I'm with the others in that I don't think this one really fit the theme.  Technically, there was a hoax, but the two teens didn't "know better".  Therein lies the problem.

From a story standpoint, though, I thought it was alright.  Definitely written by somebody who's new to screenwriting based on the layout, but it wasn't REALLY off.

I think one was okay.  I did like the whole talking with people in chatrooms idea, becuause it's probably true that no one is who they say they are.  I also thought that the two kids were pretty funny in some of their bantering.  

I did think the stuff with Tanys"the alien" didn't sound true, it was mostly forced I think.

I think this had it's moments but I don't think it worked as a whole.

There were no numbered pages, but who cares?! Where's the hoax? But who cares?!

For me, this script is close to perfect.

Sandra