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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Pong Wars Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 4th, 2008, 5:43pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Pong Wars by Stephen Hoover & Danny Djeljosevic - Short, Comedy - PONG WARS is a short film for ultra-low budget production using the classic Pong videogame for graphics.  Intended for online posting (Youtube, Funny or Die), contests, and not for profit. Note: Contains Adult language  6 pages - pdf, format


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Tommyp
Posted: November 4th, 2008, 9:51pm Report to Moderator
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Hey guys, this script was funny. Some great lines, although I think the ending could have been better...

Loved the intertextuality, and the crudeness is needed to make it work, so well done.

There is not much more I can say, funny and entertaining.


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slabstaa
Posted: November 4th, 2008, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
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Tommy is right the crudeness is fine as it is, and in fact, works well.

It's a great exchange between 2 friends and doesn't really go overboard.

I think the ending could use some working but beside that dialogue is perfect.

just my opinion though.
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sniper
Posted: November 5th, 2008, 4:57am Report to Moderator
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My UZI Weighs A Ton

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Idunno...I like the basic idea behind this, which was quite clever actually, but the dialogue (and topic) didn't do much for me. Comedy is always difficult cos' we all laugh at something different and this didn't make me laugh (or even chuckle). To tell you guys the truth, I found this to be quite boring actually. It lacked punch and that certain edge to raise it above the general mainstream mediocracy. It just sounds like two kids shooting shit.

Raise the bar. This could be much more raunchy.

Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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dogglebe
Posted: November 5th, 2008, 7:54am Report to Moderator
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I almost didn't read thios because your logline went on and on about how low budget this would be.  It's true, but that's not what brings people in to reading scripts.

The script was cute and the idea behind it is pretty clever.  I wouldn't say it was laugh out loud funny, but it was cute.  As mentioned earlier, comedy is very subjective.


Phil
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Blakkwolfe
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 10:56am Report to Moderator
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Interesting concept. Used to have a Pong game way back in the day...The dialogue with the two sticks was pretty good, liked the use of the other characters in the video game world in that period...Characters are a bit bland; suggest finding comedy in the extremes...they are so different that when they confront each other it's a real clash of personalities...


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