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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...     General Chat  ›  Aileen - a short film by mcornetto Moderators: bert
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  Author    Aileen - a short film by mcornetto  (currently 3806 views)
mcornetto
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 6:17am Report to Moderator
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A few years back I had the opportunity to make a short film with some friends.  It took a number of years to get it online but it's there now.  If you are interested, here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Wg2FleQnBg

I think if you give it a watch, you will probably understand my screenplays a bit better.  Or maybe you won't.  Either way it would be interesting to hear what you have to say about Aileen...the girl of your dreams...or a nightmare...


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Don  -  November 15th, 2008, 10:16am
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NiK
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 6:54am Report to Moderator
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Just finished watching Aileen. It's interesting to know how much the name tells about the story.

It was a nice little short. I think you should have gone more on Close Ups, most of your shots were medium and full shots. For example the preparation scene in the beginning when the guy is getting ready - could have been better with a fast montage and close ups.

The alien was ----- good i guess. It was funny. I understand you didn't have budget and things but the monster was the wrong part. I mean the costume, not as a character.

Anyway if you have other shorts, I would like to watch them.

Cheers



Gift of Blood - NEW! co-written tonkatough
Where?
Anniversary

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mcornetto
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 7:17am Report to Moderator
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Hey guys,

Thanks for watching and commenting.

Considering the budget for this was $50AUS,  I think it's understandable why Aileen is wearing such a frumpish frock.

The umbrella was the signature item for the Tropfest film festival, which is why this film was made and why we linger longer.

It didn't make the top anything in Tropfest.  But it was a hit at the Angry Film Festival here in Melbourne.
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tonkatough
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 7:29am Report to Moderator
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Wow. This is amazing. I too just got one of my short films on Youtube. I made the short with friends and family way way back in 2001

I'm keen to look at your short M but right now it is late. I just got home and had been playing Nerf wars with my nephews and their friends so I am in pain and cooked from the sun and tired so will go to bed now and then look at your short tommorow


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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 7:42am Report to Moderator
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"so I am in pain and cooked from the sun and tired so will go to bed now and then look at your short tommorow "

Bloody Aussies with sun at this time of year. It's absolutely horrible over here, freezing and miserable.

I think I might be visiting you for Christmas next year.
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dogglebe
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 8:58am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, those stupid Aussies think they're better than us because they have sun in November.  Just wait 'til April and we'll see who's laughing.

Stupid Aussies...

It was an enjoyable short, something I can see a couple of friends making and hitting the local film festivals with.


Phil
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sniper
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 9:23am Report to Moderator
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Hehe, very good, very funny, Michael. I especially liked when he screamed! One note though, I think the scene where he's preparing to meet Aileen could have been trimmed a little just to give it a better pace.

Very enjoyable though.


Rob


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bert
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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My chief complaint is that maybe a bit too much time was spent on computer screen IMs.

I understand they are becoming more and more common in films, but I have yet to see an exchange that is not dry as toast when played out on the screen.

On the other hand, I thought Aileen was just perfect.  She wore her budget on her sleeve, and was all the more beautiful for it, if you ask me.

Jordan has a point about the soundtrack, but for an original work, I thought it was quite good, actually.  I can see his point, but I kind of disagree, too.

Very amusing.  A bit longer than it needed to be, but certainly a successful effort.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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tonkatough
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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Hey I enjoyed that.

Big PVC Tube monster is scary, who do you reckon would win in a fight between him and a big green rubber suit lizard monster in a minature kit version of Tokyo city?

Okay but the big question here is that it is clear you can make a short and put it on Youtube why not do it with your other short scripts?


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mcornetto
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for watching guys.

Phil,

April is our hottest month.

Rob,

I agree about that scene and it originally wasn't supposed to be in there but the actor didn't want to get fake blood on his good shirt so we had to account for the change of clothes.

Bert,

Did you read the IMs about how she's drooling with anticipation or how she hopes it's tasty? But I understand your point and I agree with it to an extent - especially after using them on screen.

Glenn,

I don't make more shorts because it's a pain in the neck organising everyone  that's needed to do it.  And then it takes eons of time in editing.  It's much more stressful and time consuming than just writing the script.  Though next time I find a producer willing to do the organising part you probably will see another one.  
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Blakkwolfe
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 3:57pm Report to Moderator
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Liked the music and the Spacegrrl screen name...the little cocktail umbrellas were a nice touch...The monster made out of shop vac hoses was cool...An enjoyable 6 mins and 25 seconds...

P.S. We have sun in November, too.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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mcornetto
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Joe thanks for watching.

It would probably interest some of you to see the script this was shot from.  Problem is this was shot just before I started screenwriting so it didn't exactly use a script.  I just used a write-up and it's significantly different than the finished film.

I'm embarrassed as heck to post this but since this is Simply Scripts some of you would probably enjoy looking at it (you'll at least have a good laugh at it, I did).  Here is the write-up and warning it ain't pretty.

http://www.freewebs.com/mixelpixel/AileenNotes.doc
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stebrown
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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This was pretty good for no budget Michael.

The montage could have been a little snappier, but as I have no experience in filming or editing I don't know how difficult a process that is.

The premise is good, and for some reason brought to mind 'Hard Candy' obviously swap alien for psycho schoolgirl. I think you did a good job with it.

The script is a lot better than my first one too (that's not saying much though haha).


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Shelton
Posted: November 15th, 2008, 10:40pm Report to Moderator
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Thought the spacegrrl screen name was funny, bu ultimately thought the Aileen name was even funnier after everything that went down.  definitely caught what you were going for there.

The soundtrack?  No real complaints.  I did think it was a bit overused, but given its 80's feel it most certainly worked in the montage, because really, what good 80's movie didn't have a kick ass montage in it?

Anyway, simple and effective.  Nice work.


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 16th, 2008, 12:39am Report to Moderator
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LOL, that's the scariest Ding-dong I've ever heard!!!

Poor guy! All his dreams turned sour. Those space girls are sure wicked! Maybe she can find company with Bert's porridge monster.

Sandra



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