The Something (feature) by Brett A Bentman (babentman) - Horror - In the small town of Stonecrest, SOMETHING is happening… 93 pages

Based on the short The Something - pdf, format

So, the title is cr**. Sorry to say but "The Something" is a bad title. Maybe just.. Something (still pretty bad, but not as bad) but not THE something. It sounds like a knock off of The Happening. So yeah, definitely try and come up with a different and better title. I don't think, after reading the script that "Something" is an appropriate title. Unfortunately though I can't think of a good substitute right now, it being 4:30 am and me having so much work I am procrastinating on.

Second, I love the characters and how you set them up though at times the characters were a bit too cliche for high school kids. I liked some of the dialogue and I liked how you set up the situation for Bobby.

One thing though, pay attention to the scenes and the characters. On page 35, the literature teacher has one line when the only characters in the scene are the police officer, bobby and bobby's parents. I assume that is a typo. Also the next line after that is Bobby's mother, but I assume that bobby should say that line because of the line his father says following that. If not, it wreaks of spousal abuse lol. Same thing on page 47, Gary shows up out of nowhere when he's not even introduced until page 51

Also, this is just me and my personal feelings, but I think Bobby's parent's over reacted a bit. Sure they should be angry but for some reason the way that specific scene played out made me feel like Bobby had just killed someone or something.

All that being said I liked it. I feel as though you could have done a lot more with it because it ended up feeling very much like the beginning of movies like The Stepford Wives and Disturbing Behavior, which is good but I feel the script would have been better had it ended up in a more creative direction. I liked how Jenni and Bobby ended up, it mean it's sad, but i think it really is the only way to end their timeline. I think also that you should have incorporated the handheld camera into the script earlier, if only once, so that when we are introduced to the Toby interview it doesn't feel like it was just copy and pasted into the script.

Thanks for the input. The title is a stuggle to me but I will think about it. Glad you read it and liked. I actually wrote this with a camcorder in the original draft and people HATED it. So I toned it down. Let me know if you want me to read anything of yours.