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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short  ›  Hopper Moderators: bert
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SimplyScripts
Posted: December 3rd, 2008, 10:50pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Hopper by Miles Trahan - Short - Two men having a late bite at a roadside diner become enamored with a man at another booth, who may or may not be "King Bustin'-A** Koopa" 6 pages - pdf, format


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James R
Posted: December 4th, 2008, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
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Supper time!

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Pages 1-5 were very well written. I liked Ricky and Dave and the dialog was great. The ending fell very flat, however. You were on a good roll, then ______________. Flatlined.

***SPOILERS***

I'm not sure we should find out it isn't Dennis Hopper before the guys do. I think it might be more interesting if the first time we see the old man up close is when they finally approach him and see that it isn't him.

I was expecting there to be more of a conversation. The man obviously has been mistaken for DH before. There could be more there.

Good job overall.


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colkurtz8
Posted: December 4th, 2008, 1:57pm Report to Moderator
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You check out mine, I'll check out yours.

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I have to agree with James R. Like "Stoners" the writing is clever & reads very well but the ending was a major let down. As the man above said, it flatlined.

I liked the list of Hopper characters you mentioned tho. Frank Booth being a personal favourite.


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Majorgeneral316
Posted: December 14th, 2008, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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Nice. I liked it especially the dialogue and descriptions.
Ending was bit of a let down but overall a good script



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Jayden Creighton
Posted: December 16th, 2008, 4:48am Report to Moderator
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nice dialogue
nice build up
nice characters
and then ...
nothing, it kinda just falls flat.
then again, i'm not quite sure how you could end this one - but i think you should rack your brain and try to extend on it. seems a shame to let such a funny script die like that.
really did enjoy it aside from that though, and i hope my comment didn't come out harshly, cause i didn't mean to haha.
muchlove, jayden


ED .
FEVER DREAMS
THE DOORS ARE CLOSED                                                                            
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