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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Not Another Teen Vampire Movie Moderators: bert
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  Author    Not Another Teen Vampire Movie  (currently 1154 views)
Don
Posted: December 5th, 2008, 9:03pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Not Another Teen Vampire Movie by Stephen Hoover - Short, Spoof - Brief spoof of "Twilight" 3 pages - pdf, format


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Zack
Posted: December 5th, 2008, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
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Where's the pay-off? It just... ends. The script is nothing but a girl trying to guess what a guy is... and she doesn't ever find out. Give us a punch line. Give us something.

It was correctly formatted. Keep writing.

~Zack~
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jayrex
Posted: December 6th, 2008, 4:33am Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Hello Stephen,

Nothing much happens.  Alot of one liners and nothing really closes this off.

The last line sounds like it belongs to your other character ...Closer, but no.

If Berra is trying to prove a point to back up his arguement, it really needs a rewrite to clear the air.

You have a few one liners to grab a laugh.  The phone a friend/ask the audience joke is a tad overdone.

I think Berra should say that a zombie is smarter than Louis who is suppose to be some kind of dumb superhero.  Then setup a surreal challenge between the zombie and Louis.  Louis fails, point made.

All the best,


Javier


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Jayden Creighton
Posted: December 11th, 2008, 1:44am Report to Moderator
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hahaha "a canadian?"
funny
nice format
well written
and it takes the piss out of twilight
i enjoyed it
muchlove, jayden


ED .
FEVER DREAMS
THE DOORS ARE CLOSED                                                                            
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BlackChristmas
Posted: December 12th, 2008, 10:04am Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this a lot as a quick, easy read. I was immediately interested because of the (over)hype of Twilight, which in my opinion was mediocre. Anyways, it was formatted flawlessly and the one-liners made me laugh, but I agree that it needs some sort of pay-off. Perhaps the Zombie/Louis match that jayrex suggested.
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