The Secret Life of Mary Wyzwolony by Alex Wenger - Short - Mary lives two lives: her life at home, where her mother has an incredible secret (a pet zombie) - and her exposed life out in the real world. Mary tries to connect with reality when she meets naïve Nathan. Mary’s intelligence allows her the ability to find happiness and balance in Nathan.  16 pages - pdf, format

Hey Alex.  Thought I'd take a look at the script.

First off, the action is a little jumbled and not clear and it's hard to figure out what's going on.  The action says 'The chain wraps around his neck and trails off into the other room, no end.'  What exactly does 'no end' mean?  That we can't see the end of the chain?  Or does it mean it's not chained to anything?  Because minutes later, he's trying to run out the door and he gets whipped back by the chain like a dog.  Then, Mary goes to the bathroom, and all of a sudden, he's gone, out the door?  How did that happen if he was chained?

Another thing that's not very clear.  When Mary's dragging him, how does he get his foot caught in a chair?  Did he just wrap his leg around one of the chair's legs, or did the chair fall over and it's stuck through a bar.  It's really hard to follow the action.  Remember, you have to put a picture in our heads.

Now we're introduced to Mrs. Michael's.  You describe her as Nathan's mother.  But who's Nathan?

Those were just a couple things early on that I noticed were confusing about the script.  In fact, the whole script is kind of confusing.

There are some good ideas in there. The mom chewing tobacco, the friendship that Mary and Nathan make.  Everything just needs to be a little more clearer and, I'm sorry to say, maybe a little more realistic.  A lot of this, especially the dialogue, came off as B-movie banter.

At heart, it's not a half-bad story, it just needs tons and tons of clarification and I think the story has to be a whole lot less ambiguous.