Wisenheimer by Mike Shelton - Short - Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about sex, the internet reaches a new low. - pdf, format

Okay....

Well, I can't say that there was a big surprise at the end since I knew where this was heading.

Well written as usual. I'm not going to say anything else, because I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Can't wait for people to read and start asking what is that 2g/1c thing is. You might as well introduce them to 1g/1c while you're at it. Ouch!  

Hi Mike,

That was humorous.  Is this for the SWK person?

Without trying to spoil this for the rest as I'm not 100% sure.  Is this to do with JapScat or feltching?

Quick & easy to read.  

You use 'we' a few times.  I thought this was a no no?

All the best,


Javier

Quoted from jayrex You use 'we' a few times.  I thought this was a no no?

That's the problem, when not using it when it could be used

Well Mike, not sure for this one. It looked like a short joke or something, not really what i like but it was well written.

Cheers

Actually Mike, I think you could make this better by having Sean show his dad something pretty hard core and then the dad deciding to trump Sean by showing the 2g/1c vid. Would offer a bit of a twist.

Haha, gotta love that 2 girls 1 cup. Somebody should film this and put it up on YouTube.

Think you could have ended it with a scene where the dad goes back to his house and goes into the bedroom with something behind his back.

        KENNETH
Hun, you awake? I learned a new game from Sean today. You wanna play?

Kenneth's arm appears from behind his back, what's that he is holding? OMG, it is a replica of the cup...

Quick, Fade out.


EDIT: Just noticed, I am 500 today!! wooowooo.

Thanks all,

This script is essentially the result of someone asking my to write a comedic short with an older gentleman as a lead character and a dorm room as the location.  As those things usually go, I have no idea if it will ever get made, but I have another script to add to my long list of titles.

Quoted from jayrex    You use 'we' a few times.  I thought this was a no no?

Depends on who you talk to, and since you're talking to me, I'll say that it's okay to use in moderation.  Given that I didn't want certain things to be shown right away, I think my reasoning is valid for using it here.

The twist idea makes sense, Pia.  It would just take a little bit of revising in the hallway and what not.  I'd probably trump 2g/1c with 1g/1j though.  It's one of the worst things I've ever seen.


Gary,

Not a bad idea, but it adds a location to the mix, and that would require a whole DIFFERENT reaction.

Thanks again all.

Two guys are sitting at a bar, drinking.  The first guy turns to the second guy and says, "I bet you I can be more disgusting than."  "You're on,"  The second guy said.

The first guydowns a shot of whiskey, a shot of gin, a shot of vodka and a shot of tequila.  He then eats all the cherries, and slices of lemons and limes at the bar.  He does ten jumping jacks and immediately throws up, spraying the bar with vomit.

"Let's see you top that!" he tels his friend.

"Easy," the second guy says as he licks the bar clean.


I agree with Pia.  This joke needs a payoff.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe   This joke needs a payoff.

Thanks for the review.

Quoted from Shelton Thanks for the review.

hahaha.

anyway, I remember those types of videos.  very gross, but funny.  My sister got me the same way in the script.

I'm not sure what else to say about this short, Mike.  It was extremely brief and extremely to the point.  There wasn't much in character development or plot.  It was like the idea flashed in your head and you wrote it down.

Wish I could be more helpful....


Phil

Ha ha Mike, that was pretty funny.  I wonder how long till this one gets produced .  I was wondering how long it was going to be till a 2g1c script was gonna pop up.  Anyways it was pretty funny.

Quoted from dogglebe It was extremely brief and extremely to the point.

Isn't that kind of the idea with shorts of this nature though?  To be as concise as possible?

Quoted from dogglebe There wasn't much in character development or plot.

  Plot?  No.  More like situation, although the case could be made that both characters have an arc, changing from student to teacher and vice versa.  I think in four pages, you get a clear vision of who these peopel are and what they do/want to do.  

Quoted from dogglebe It was like the idea flashed in your head and you wrote it down.

This was written that way.  As I said, I had gotten an email looking for something comedic, with an older actor and a dorm room as a location, and this is the result.  I do think that statement could be said about any short I have on this board, though, and probably a vast majority of my features.  I just write with a "flow" method.

Quoted from dogglebe Wish I could be more helpful....

It was.  You gave me your vote that you liked Pia's idea, as I did.  It's something that coudl easily be implemented, but I'll cross that bridge if and when necessary. [/quote]

Quoted from The boy who could fly Ha ha Mike, that was pretty funny.  I wonder how long till this one gets produced .  I was wondering how long it was going to be till a 2g1c script was gonna pop up.  Anyways it was pretty funny.

Thanks, Jordan.  Glad you found it funny.  As far as production, who knows?  Not sure what's going on with the person I submitted this to (everything takes forever), but as always, it's here and available.

Hey what's up Mike,

Read the script last night, and enjoyed it. Just read it for a second time, and it still entertained, and amused me. It was well-written, and well executed. Dialogue flowed well, and descriptions were concised and crisp. Really not much I could see to improve, so congrats. I liked the way you set up the watching of 2g1c. It could have been set up in a corny way, but you executed it well.

I would have liked to see the script expanded a bit... Maybe only by a page or 2, as at the moment (to me) it seems like a short joke, as opposed to a short script, with jokes in it. I like GM's idea of adding a scene at the end with Kenneth and his wife. I feel this would work well, but I understand your hesitation to add it (due to location restrictions).

But yeah, I enjoyed the script. It made me laugh, and was entertaining. I enjoyed the script a lot more than the video the script is about... 2g1c is the only thing I have ever seen which made me gag so much I had to look away, with fear that I was going to vomit. I didn't enjoy the video at all!!

Cheers, Toby.

Ha ha! This was pretty funny Mike. I remember the first(and only) time I saw the video.... My reaction was pretty similar.

I do think this can fleshed out a few pages though. Maybe with the plastic bag on the bed. Is beer all that is in it? You could easily add a few more things that would give the scene a more awkward feel. Maybe his dad pulls out some lube and condoms. Maybe a blow up doll for practice. You can do a lot with this.

As it is it's fine. Short and to the point. Good job Mike.

~Zack~