The Ark by Richard D. Kinsella (decadencefilms@37.com) - Short, Thriller - Engalnd has fallen to the Russians. The British Army attempts to smuggle dignitaries through enemy territory to the waiting US Forces.  But what defines a country and why does one fall? 36 pages - pdf, format

First of all, I know you mentioned your writing was like this for a reason, but damn--at least capitalize your characters names when you introduce them. As it is, it's extremely hard to follow the storyline.

I'll post up the rest of my review when I finish reading.

(edit) Done.

I'm ignoring all formatting issues, typos, etc. as you said.

I must tell you, I rather enjoyed this story. In the beginning, it looked like it was going to be just another war flick, but I was pleasantly surprised when this was not exactly the case. I like the idea of this small band of Royals and their journey to America.

There was one paragraph in page 27, I think, that was nothing but numbers and nonsense. Why is this? Something wrong with your document?

Personally, I think the hooker's conflict and its resolution slowly destroyed the story. It initally didn't grab me, but once it did it drained all charisma from the main characters. This is probably what would happen in real life, and I felt bad for her--but still. If you're gonna do that you might as well have the boat bombed, killing all the royals in it as the hooker and perhaps Mrs. Sweet stay in the inn with the Russians.

As for the Queen, she was pretty much useless throughout the whole thing. I say, have her evacuated via another route. Another boat at an earlier date. this would take her out of most of the story. That way, if the Royals die as I suggest, the Queen would already be safe and ready to make an appeal for Britain.

This is just my opinion on the story.

--Julio

Cheers for the review.

I'm sorry you didn't like the part with the prostitute, as that is the very crux of the film. The reaction of the Ruling elite of Britain to the girls plight shows us why England has fallen in the first place, the corruption and lack of principle.

In effect it shows that the survival of all these dignitaries and the entire plot was pointless, because England fell because of these people for the reasons demonstrated.

Anyway, cheers for taking the time to read it.

Rick.

I can totally see where you're coming from. I did get the message. It was good--few movie endings these days contain such irony. I just think a little more time was needed to develop it. Plus, after spending so much time with these characters (because of the way the script was written, it WAS a pretty long read compared to what one would expect from 37 pages) you feel betrayed when they do what they do. Plus, most of them honestly did not seem like bad sorts; that is, not bad enough to pull something like that.

I think you should emphasize a little bit more on their darker sides before the hooker thing comes along.

--Julio

Oh man, I tried to read this Rick. I really did. But it just did not appeal to me at all.

The premise is perfect but what you do with it is not my cup of tea. I'm more into Red Dawn then Lady Chatter's Tea Party.

Your story promises so much but what it delivers is basically a talking head story where Lords and Ladies sit around while on the move and eat fancy food and drink fancy wine.

I found the characters to be dull and stuffy and so too their conversation.

But in no way does this mean your script is at fault, I guess I am to blame cause these sort of stories are not my preference.

In case you are wondering what I expected from your premise? Well that would be a kick arse chase story with one important person and prostitute being smuggled through the frontline, the Russian's hot on their heels. That would have been sweet.


  

No worries Glenn,

The script is at a very early stage of development. Eventually it will have much stronger characters and I'll have a more tense through line.

It is going to remain a character piece though, as that is the entire point. that countries are made up of their individuals and their actions define its fate.



Don't worry. It'll be great when it's finished.