SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Home - Movie Scripts - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 18th, 2014, 7:30pm
Please login or register.
Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the rules that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone.
Help Wanted

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy  ›  The Day The Earth Stood Still Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Day The Earth Stood Still  (currently 863 views)
SimplyScripts
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 11:27am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
9928
Posts Per Day
1.96
The Day The Earth Stood Still by Aaron Gracheck - Sci Fi - In the town of "Horse Town", strange events occur. Henry Plane, who has an encounter with Klaato, has a family history of a secret letter. The CIA discovering what the letter is about may be the only way to get Klaato, Gort, and the other aliens off the planet. But, they are here to warn us and help with something in the distant future: Armageddon.   89 pages - doc, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.



No matter where you go, there you are.
--Buckaroo Bonzai
Logged Online
Site Private Message
Aaron
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 11:31am Report to Moderator
Purple


That's me

Location
Spring Hill, FL
Posts
484
Posts Per Day
0.22
thanks man for posting! anyone who has anything to say about it please comment


Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.


Revision History (1 edits)
Aaron  -  January 1st, 2009, 3:15pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 5
Tommyp
Posted: January 12th, 2009, 3:51am Report to Moderator
Green


Continuity Is For Pussies...

Location
Australia
Posts
807
Posts Per Day
0.35
Hey Aaron. I read a few pages of this and instantly found a few small things wrong.

At this stage in your writing, I strongly suggest you take out all, or most of the "we see", "we hear" and anything else that has "we" in the front basically.

Also, show don't tell. "The boss walks over to the screen, obviously an intruder of some kind." How do we know he is an intruder? You haven't shown us, you have told us.

What have you used to write this? It looks like word. It's very messy. If you can use Final Draft or a free program, it would be MUCH better.

Hope I have helped a bit...


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 5
Aaron
Posted: January 12th, 2009, 7:21pm Report to Moderator
Purple


That's me

Location
Spring Hill, FL
Posts
484
Posts Per Day
0.22
thanks for the advice Tommy


Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.

Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 5
Dreamscale
Posted: January 20th, 2009, 12:11am Report to Moderator
Blue


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
San Antonio, TX
Posts
8611
Posts Per Day
3.34
Hey Aaron, we’ve talked via E-mail a few times, so I’m gonna just get down to it.  May feel like a trip to the Dentist when you were a kid, but you know it’s all meant to help.  I don’t want to sound like an A** at any time, and if I do, I apologize up front.

You misspelled “written” on your title page.  You literally can’t have mistakes like that…horrible way to start someone’s read.  I know you don’t have any software currently, but you’ve got to be using something with some kind of “spell check”.  OK, sorry, but that’s just terrible.

OK…sorry.  Here we go again.  I’m back on track.  Aaron, you need to visit a few “screenwriting websites” and read what’s written about writing a script.  At the same time, you need to read some “pro” scripts, as well as some better ones in here.  Even without screenwriting software, you can easily put together a “script” that reads as it should, and makes sense in what it’s trying to do.

Formatting isn’t that difficult to figure out, and again, you need to study up on it quite a bit.  Once you do, you’ll immediately understand what’s wrong here and why.

When you use a scene heading like “INT. MILITARY BASE – EVENING”, that immediate scene has to take place inside said Military Base.  You start it off with men going outside…and then they have tanks.  That’s so far from an interior shot.

You have a scene titled “EXT-Night-country-Later”, what is that supposed to mean?  2 sentences later, you state that “we’re inside the car”.  It’s these kinds of examples that lead me to say again, you need to “step back” and  think about what you’re doing…read as many different  views about writing screenplays as you can…read tons of pro scripts…read well reviewed scripts in SS…try to see the flow of things and why things move as they do..

I hope this makes some sense and helps.  You know, the cool thing is that you’ve written some complete scripts, and you seem to enjoy this stuff.  Bone up and learn some techniques and formatting rules.  As I recommended in my E-Mail, Movie Magic Screenwriter is awesome.  Pay whatever you have to, cause it will totally get you going, and you’ll probably be psyched with the results and motivated as s*** to get down to writing.

Hope this helps, bud.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 5
Aaron
Posted: January 20th, 2009, 3:05pm Report to Moderator
Purple


That's me

Location
Spring Hill, FL
Posts
484
Posts Per Day
0.22
thanks for all the help guys, means a lot.


Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.

Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 5
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Sci Fi and Fantasy  [ previous | next ] Switch to:

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006