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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  A Nightmare on Elm Street (Lickness version) Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Nightmare on Elm Street (Lickness version)  (currently 2068 views)
Don
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (Lickness version) by Jon Lickness - Horror - A series of gruesome crimes rocks the city of Springwood, Illinois.  Several high school students are found butchered alone in rooms, and the police have no leads as to the culprit.  Meanwhile, Nancy Thompson is having terrifying nightmares that a mysterious man with a man-made claw of steel blades wants to kill her.  But it isn't until she finds out that her friends are having the exact same nightmare that she realizes that someone - or something - is killing the teens of Springwood in their sleep.  Searching for answers, Nancy uncovers a long-buried town secret - deceased child murderer Freddy Krueger, burned to death years ago by the town's PTA.  Realizing that Freddy has come back in a revenge effort from beyond the grave, Nancy confronts Freddy on his own turf - the world of dreams. - html, format


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dogglebe
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
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I just thought this would be a good time to BRIEFLY discuss loglines and synopses, as Jon and Erik both have virtually the same script posted at the same time.  Jon's synopsis is four or five times longer than Erik's.  Because of the synopses, I would read Erik's, if I had to pick one.  The synopsis is just better.


Phil
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 10:50pm Report to Moderator
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But you commented on Jon's.  Interesting...
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dogglebe
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 11:43pm Report to Moderator
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My post was directed to everyone, but I thought it would benefit Jon the most.  A number of scripts here are never read.  A big part of it, IMHO, is the synopsis that we are given.


Phil
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 11:57pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah...maybe.  I always read a page or so, and make my decision from there.  If it's terrible right off teh bat, I decide on whether or not there's any merit in even trying to help.  Buit sometimes I do.
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bert
Posted: February 9th, 2009, 8:04am Report to Moderator
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Funny -- this one getting all the comments.

Popping open the file, the opening pages give us a a long, expository news report -- lazy storytelling -- and kind of dry for our introduction to a NoES story.

Also a bit unrealistic to have your police officer -- upon finding a third body mutilated in their bedroom -- to claim "there is nothing to connect these homicides."

Given these two flaws, I was put off from the script right away.

If the author is around, he is encouraged to check out the competing version of this story.  If nothing else, the opening pages, which I found to be stronger.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 9th, 2009, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
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You're totally right, Bert.  I read the first few pages here and immediately knew I wasn't going to be reading anymore.
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: February 9th, 2009, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe
A number of scripts here are never read.  A big part of it, IMHO, is the synopsis that we are given.


Phil


And it has nothing to do with the fact that Jon isn't a participating member of the website? (As far as I know) If he was people may actually care to help him.

I saw someone help another member with a synopsis in the past but this guy gets a bunch of posts that will be deleted (We all know it)


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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dogglebe
Posted: February 9th, 2009, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Old Time Wesley


And it has nothing to do with the fact that Jon isn't a participating member of the website? (As far as I know) If he was people may actually care to help him.


This is very possible too, Wes.  The only reason why I started this discussion is because two people posted remakes of NoES at the same time.  If I were to read one, it would not be this one and it would be because of the synopsis.


Phil
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