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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Creatures of the Caribbean Moderators: bert
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  Author    Creatures of the Caribbean  (currently 1566 views)
Don
Posted: March 16th, 2009, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Chupacabra True Origins by James Chancellor (jrchange) - Horror - A sci/fi horror about abominations, genetically engineered creatures of Alien DNA combined with mans; as the US Government searches for a ultimate weapon. The secret lab is destroyed and the creatures escape to populate the islands with disastrous results. 91 pages - pdf, format


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Eoin
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 5:59am Report to Moderator
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just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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Had to stop after page 4. On the nose dialouge, feeder lines, action sequences that are, well, unoriginal. Characters are one dimensional. Hasn't this concept been done already, alien human hybrids?
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grademan
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 2:05pm Report to Moderator
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James, I read your script and felt a bit underwhelmed. It read like a script for a bad Sci-FI channel movie.

•     The handful of phrases describing the quiet of the jungle was bothersome.

•      Brinkley’s reason for magically no longer being bed-ridden was not
believable.

•     Henson’s letter explaining it all was too convenient. The letter was written to Jessica as if he had all the time in the world when writing it when obviously he didn’t.

•     The General being infected wasn’t really expected since Henson’s note was specific, stating the creatures were emotionally unstable and killed indiscriminately.

•     Although the script had a classic multiple-ending, the case of creature eggs at the end was expected.

•     I kept referring to the creatures as Chalupas for whatever reason.

The story did read better after the young couple was attacked and killed by the creature. I hope this helps.
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