SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 18th, 2024, 11:38pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  The Slave Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Slave  (currently 2204 views)
Don
Posted: April 9th, 2009, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Slave by James Masse - Horror - THE SLAVE is a supernatural thriller about a former Marine who discovers that he can dream the future… Or can he? His obsession with finding the truth, and the horror that lies beneath the surface of our everyday lives, leaves him craving answers more terrifying than he could’ve ever imagined. Is something as simple as death really simple at all, or is there more than meets the eye? All the while, a dark figure lurks in the shadows of his unconscious mind, as a dark figure lurks in the shadows of his reality. 137 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
james_m
Posted: May 7th, 2009, 11:20pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
check me out guys!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 12
Baltis.
Posted: May 7th, 2009, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



If you're trying to sell this script or even get representation -- Take your WGA reg off of the title page.  Also trim about 17 pages off while you're at it. This script would only fly if... A VERY BIG "IF" you had sold 3 or 4 scripts that went on to make profit at the box office.  

No one in Hollywood likes to read... That's why the screenplay was invented. They are not art. They are not viable literature. They are simply blue prints of what will/might/should be filmed.  The more white you see on a page, the better your odds of getting read will be.

That goes for casual readers or producers/agents.

Also, "WE SEE" leave those at the door... With all the mistakes you've made in the first 10 pages you're bound to trim this down to an acceptable 120 page level in no time.

I'll check your script out, tho... "ha"  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 12
dresseme
Posted: May 7th, 2009, 11:27pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Baltis.
If you're trying to sell this script or even get representation -- Take your WGA reg off of the title page.  Also trim about 17 pages off while you're at it. This script would only fly if... A VERY BIG "IF" you had sold 3 or 4 scripts that went on to make profit at the box office.  

No one in Hollywood likes to read... That's why the screenplay was invented. They are not art. They are not viable literature. They are simply blue prints of what will/might/should be filmed.  The more white you see on a page, the better your odds of getting read will be.

That goes for casual readers or producers/agents.

Also, "WE SEE" leave those at the door... With all the mistakes you've made in the first 10 pages you're bound to trim this down to an acceptable 120 page level in no time.

I'll check your script out, tho... "ha"  


Wow, give the guy a break and just read the script before commenting.  

Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 12
Baltis.
Posted: May 7th, 2009, 11:35pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Why not get a jump on the problems I'm going to address anyways?  I won't make a new post when I review his script... I'll just add to my old one.  

Last I heard reading someone's script for no other reason but you want to help was still called "HELPING" ... If I don't list the problems, someone else is going to.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 12
ReaperCreeper
Posted: May 8th, 2009, 9:28pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
974
Posts Per Day
0.15
I just got done reading this, despite the annoying camera directions. I thought it was a solid, decent Horror script right until around page 70 or so. It went from great, to good, to cheesy, to just plain horrible.

At times, it seemed like you were taking your story seriously and at others it seemed like a parody of itself. The dialogue eventually got so cheesy it was almost unbearable. It is strange, because I thought the script started off really good.

I think the script got truly bad when the Coach died (who popped out of nowhere, BTW -- you should introduce him earlier). After that, it was all really corny and ridiculous. I'm all for some supernatural stuff in my Horror, but the way it was done seemed like a comedy more than a horror film.

The whole "soul dies one death/body another" was an excellent angle that was sadly misused in the script.

On the bright side, the characters were good -- most of them, anyway -- especially by Horror film standards.

I'm torn on how to rate this. On one hand, there is the good first half and on the other is the sloppy second half.

I'd give it a 4/10, probably. It could've been a lot better. Do not get discouraged though -- you are not a bad writer. I simply feel like this story was not given the treatment it should've gotten.

--Julio


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 12
james_m
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
4 out of 10 is pretty poor... you guys suck ... they love it over at trigger street and script shark.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 12
james_m
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
dressel ... you don't suck buddy! = )
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 12
alffy
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2187
Posts Per Day
0.34

Quoted from james_m
4 out of 10 is pretty poor... you guys suck


Not sure if this was in jest or you really think it sucks.

You've posted a script here and asked for reads despite not returning the favour, yet when someone takes the time to read your 137 page screenplay you tell them they suck cos they didn't love it! Julio is a regular here so you take his advice on board at least.

You got to take the bad with the good, one persons judgement isn't everyones but don't alienate yourself here otherwise no one will read anything you do.  Just something for you to think about.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 12
bert
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61

Quoted from james_m
4 out of 10 is pretty poor... you guys suck ... they love it over at trigger street and script shark.


Wow, is this poor form.  Such nerve, this guy.

And Script shark haha.  Tell you what -- you pay Gomez what you paid them, and I'll bet he gives you a glowing review, too.

I thought about deleting these posts, but chose to let them linger for a while.

In fact,


Quoted from Baltis-
I'll check your script out, tho... "ha"


On the very off chance that you still actually find yourself in the mood to check this one out, Balt, you can go ahead and let it rip old-school.

Consider yourself "unchained", and I will keep the mods hands-off haha.  



Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 12
dresseme
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from bert


Wow, is this poor form.  Such nerve, this guy.



Hey, lay off the guy.  After all, he did say that I don't suck.  

Logged
e-mail Reply: 10 - 12
Andrew
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 6:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1791
Posts Per Day
0.33
Bert,

I just want to let you know this had me in stitches:


Quoted from bert
Consider yourself "unchained", and I will keep the mods hands-off haha.  


The image it planted in my head will keep me chuckling for days.

On a sidenote, I just located the script on Trigger Street, and could only find 1 review.

Once again, kudos to you bert - hehe.

Andrew


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 12
james_m
Posted: June 16th, 2009, 10:50pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
Alright you guys don't suck! Thanks Julio... and Andrew, this is the third draft ... i had it up on Trigger Street a few times in the passed 2 years... they expire after a while.

I don't want to alienate myself... Thanks alffy

Also, I am in the process of reading a few scripts on here now... so that should help my reputation on here.

Ps. Script shark is no better than here and here is free... so you guys win ...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 12
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006