Boardom by Steve McDonell - Short - Some Aussie pigs ponder the swine flu… 10 pages - pdf, format

OMG this is so funny! Why hasn't anyone else read this! Five- stars Stevie. It made me laugh out-loud so many times.

A few of the lines I loved:

Quoted Text Yes, you’re right, Charlie. Dennis did die from bird flu. But only because he jumped off the barn roof trying to fly.

Quoted Text Others shake their heads in piggy pity.

Quoted Text I’ve always wanted to say this...SQUEAL LIKE A CITY BOY!

The ref. to Deliverance - great!
Actually there are too many great lines to quote!

I thought towards the third act it was waning a bit but then you picked it up again and ran with it. Brilliant, comedic and satirical all in one hit and with pop-culture refs too!

I would love to see the Southpark boys dressed up as piggies performing this as a school-play

Hi Lib, glad you enjoyed it. I got the idea from all the swine flu talk on a recent thread. Some of the guys put up funny piggy pictures and I got to thinking at work that night. when i get an idea i have to stop all other projects and get it done. That's the handy thing about shorts I suppose.
Any SS guys out there who is into animation, you are welcome to use this. cheers.

Okay, this has to be the first story of pig gang rape I’ve ever seen. No one can say this isn’t something different.

It has its moments and has no problem holding interest. I love the Beatles and actually have a scene where a guy sings a line from a Beatles tune in my last feature, but I do think there’s too much of Brian singing. It started to wear thin.

It has a lot of good lines. Some jokes fell a little flat for me but it was interesting even when it was a little flat. Some parts early on came off a little like an educational commercial, maybe a little too informative.

But the ending; wow, I certainly didn’t expect that.

Nothing like a piggy gang rape story to start your day off with. Now I can spend the rest of the day getting that image out of my head.

The deliverance reversal was a great idea and has a sense of perfect timing with the swine flu pandemic.

Definitely unique. Lots of good ideas.


Breanne

Interesting story.

So when Dennis caught Bird Flu, he then thought pigs could fly?

There's a few laughs in here.  A few spelling mistakes too.

I don't get the inhuman line.  It's like Brian says it from the standpoint of a human.

I also don't get the last line.  Who's Sniper?  Is it Aussie slang?

Overall, and okay story that could be better.

All the best,



Javier

Hi Breanne, thanks for the read. Good to see you love the Beatles - they have been my life (after family) since i was 8. Even above footy! What was the line you used? They are the greatest; my kids are named after them, i've got all the CDs and books, have visited some landmarks, etc, blah, blah...! I put references to the boys in all my scripts - have a new idea brewing; a comedy revamp of 'The Lord of The Rings', but with the 1965 stoned Beatles replacing the 4 hobbits. could be a series maybe.
um, yeah the ending was sort of set up once I had Jock as gay. Yeah the Beatle song did go on a bit - actually i missed the middle eight out by mistake so just as well. cheers.

Javier, thanks mate. I'm a bit bemused you didn't click who Sniper is? Our own Robert Kottke from Denmark? He's doing a remake script of 'Deliverance' which inspired me as well as the swine flu stuff. The inhuman line felt odd when i wrote it ; it was meant to say what they were doing was out of bounds even by piggy standards. Cheers man.

Stevie, a couple more comments on reflection and taking into consid. reaction of others: I admit, at first I also was taken aback when the story took the “piggy-rape” turn and (maybe I’m reading too much into it), but I perceived it as continuing commentary on ‘stupid human behaviour” v. “animal behaviour”; how we act under stress/threat/crisis and as a metaphor for morality; the mob-mentality etc.

Examples:
“Yes. I’m afraid he’s caught human flu.
...just like a human, he’s become a total wanker”.

(re the rape) “wWat? No, wait! You can’t do this! It’s inhuman. “Well, we are pigs, after all”

“Jock, um, that piglet you told us about? In your youth, that had human flu? That wouldn’t have been you by any chance, would it?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes, it was. Thought someone might twig. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

Maybe it’s just too hard-core for some. And, if “Jock” has been corrupted by “human flu” hence his corrupting influence on the others maybe we need a little “piggy hero” at the end to take some noble action against the others. Then again, maybe that’s just a little “Hollywood” and you should leave it the way it is.

Jayrex says, spelling mistakes – I missed ‘em? Can’t be “centre” and “sizing” cause that’s Australian/UK spelling.

Imo, yep, it takes a brutal turn, but great comedy and it makes you think.

hi Lib, thanks for the added comments. it's sort of funny how my little throwaway idea has garnered any meaning to it!
first up, i have to wonder at spelling mistakes that Javier mentioned - couldn't find any either!
I didn't plan any comment on human behaviour via the pigs, except for the 'human flu' and wanker symptoms. And i didn't mean for the 'rape' to elicit a response. The ending was always going to have some sort of piggy sex as it built to the 'Deliverance' reference. I don't really class it as rape just a gang bang involving animals. Without sounding casual about it (and antagonising woman's groups out there) it was all a joke. In an animation this would all be viewed a bit differently perhaps.
anyway, thanks again Lib, and it was good to see the Manly boys get up!

It's hard to believe that the same person who wrote "A man for all time" wrote this.

Yes, you write decent action lines but it's disturbing that you thought this idea(of males gang-raping another male) was run of the mill.
It turned my stomach...

Trelan, i'm sorry you feel that way. this is a random idea that came to me, influenced by the swine flu hysteria. I don't condone violence or assault and it seems you are drawing a long bow by linking this image with any 'meaning'. Actually i'm quite astounded you are taking this so seriously. there is no allegorical approach here- its all connected to the reference to 'Deliverance' as I stated earlier.
However i understand you have your opinion and i respect that. If anyone else is offended I apologise.

Steve

Great humorous take on a topical issue you have here. The "jumping off the barn roof" and "cutting his mothers head off" lines were quality. Charlie is a budding Neoplean from Animal Farm while Jock is a...er...fairy version of the old pony (his name has just slipped me at this moment in time)

The trademark Beatles reference I see...and in abundance too, I wondering how long it was going to take for that particular song to get a mention. Cool reversal of fortune with Brian becoming, as you put it "a total wa?ker" That human flu does sound quite horrible, a terrible fate.

JOCK
Is that a moral viewpoint? Or you
simply don’t want your tough pig
image tarnished by the fag
connection?

-- Great line. Good a solution as any I suppose. Total absurdity of course...the entertaining kind though.

In a couple of cases you have speech interspersed in the prose. I don't know what the story is with this, is it frowned upon or not. I haven't seen it done elsewhere maybe someone can shed light on the matter. Although I'm thinkin' its probably not looked on favourably.

The ending pretty much descended into anarchy, like "The Fill" and "God's Dartboard" You can't be accused of a waning conclusion thats for sure, things do normally tend to finish with a bang (apologies for the infantile pun) in your scripts. It was entertaining...but gross out comedy (even in swine format) isn't normally my thing but this had it moments all the same. That Jock has a story or two to tell I bet.

Worthy attempt overall, as someone said above you'd never think this was the same writer as "A Man For All Time" so kudos on the versatility. Animation obviously would be the way to go. Or else, to really take the piss, get people dressed up in pig costumes. So when Brian is starting to "turn" his actions would look genuinely human.

It would be the final sequence all the more ridiculous.

Take care

Col.

Hi Col, thanks for the read, i'm glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't sure what you meant initially by the speeches in the prose? But after reading through the script, i see it: the other pigs talking in an action line. I think here i just needed to have it like a crowd noise, almost background. I didn't want to break the flow by giving specific piggy extras any real dialogue. good point, by the way.
And I'm glad you saw it for what it is - just a piss take and nothing else. No agenda, no nothing...   cheers man.

Stevie,

This was a lovely little piece. It did make me chuckle, and the descriptions were watertight, especially in the opening. I managed to get through it really quickly, and that's a great sign. Charlie felt like our true antagonist, and I like how he couldn't wait to jump into Brian, so to speak! The gang rape was an amusing ending.

The use of 'Piggies' was a nice touch, and judging by your avatar, I was half-expecting it. To digress, that was always my favourite Beatles album - I just love the fact they sound half-hinged on that album, and how on Abbey Road they feel like a band splitting at the seams, but producing genius as a final bow. What a band!

Great little script, and I shall take a look at your other work to see how it fits 'cos that's the first script of yours I have read.

Andrew

Hi again Andrew. Thanks for the review on this. My fave Beatle album is Revolver but, yeah, the White Album and Abbey Road are up there. I've recently joined a Beatle fan website, with forums and stuff. The people there are great and have some cool pictures as their sigs. There's a daily trivia quiz with a clock ticking which is fun.

mate, I will check out your House of Usher short and review it. Are you from the UK by any chance? ok better go.

Yeah, I am from good ol' England. Looking forward to a nicer climate, though.

Flying into Hong Kong on 2nd November, and then onto Sydney on the 2nd February. Good times, and hopefully I will be able to do some low-level work on productions while out there. Before that, however, I will indeed take to driving the Sydney to Cairns route - I hear it's pretty special.

Andrew