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The Real Pig Flu's Story (currently 1878 views) |
Don |
Posted: May 17th, 2009, 6:36pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (1 edits) |
Don - May 17th, 2009, 10:30pm | | |
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mcornetto |
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 6:22am |
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Guest User
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An odd pair write and odd story.
Helio great to see you posting again.
I thought the short was cute. An interesting way to send a message and you picked no bones in how you presented it.
Loved the ending. |
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Helio |
Posted: May 18th, 2009, 6:58am |
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Old Timer Better to die with vodka than with tedium!
Posts1284 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
Hi Michael! I wouldn't write it without Michel's help and his critical vision about this matter.
Was nice to read your comment, dude! Thanks!
cheers Helio |
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Reply: 2 - 25 |
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michel |
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 4:03am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
I know this tale may sound weird and stupid at first sight. But Helio's world is far from that. Behind this tale, we tried to communicate a serious message. Never mind if no one get it. We would have warn you.... Michel |
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Helio |
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 6:03am |
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Old Timer Better to die with vodka than with tedium!
Posts1284 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
Don't worry Michel, because any message we have to comunicate is just one message that we have to comunicate and we did it, mon ami. Oh, we have Michael's comment, haven't we? |
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rendevous |
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 6:57am |
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Old Timer Away
LocationOver there. Posts2354 Posts Per Day 0.43 |
A quick read and an interesting little story. Obviously Babe and Animal Farm came to mind when I read this, a nice warm feeling. I understand neither of you have English as a first language so well done on that count. I can't any further than "Hello" in a foreign tongue without resorting to sign language and shouting.
There's a lot of the phrasing in need of correction, I'll let you know what if you like. However there are others roaming these boards with a much better grip of English than I. Good work. |
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Helio |
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 7:30am |
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Old Timer Better to die with vodka than with tedium!
Posts1284 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
We make an allegory about what most of people believe to be reliable information. What we try to say was that we have take care about all information we receive from the media. Yes, Baby and Animal Farm may were a great inspiration for this short alert-tale. Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one; a French! Thanks for your comment! |
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michel |
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 8:30am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one |
Funny! I was about to write the same comment Michel |
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Colkurtz8 |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 8:19am |
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Old Timer
Location--> Over There Posts1731 Posts Per Day 0.30 |
Helio & Michel
A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable. It was ok other than that a good concept, which has the potential to make a decent animation piece should someone take it on.
I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced. |
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Helio |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 10:34am |
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Old Timer Better to die with vodka than with tedium!
Posts1284 Posts Per Day 0.19 |
Thanks for your comments, colcurtz8! About the scene of the end, maybe, we wrote it because we are an exaggerated latinos guys. Thanks again, dude! |
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Reply: 9 - 25 |
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michel |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:18pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable. |
It's not because we're both not English language native that we should be allowed of this. That short has been written in the rush to stick to the event. That's all. The "understandable" sounds a bit inept.
I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced. |
Precise your thought please. Michel |
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alffy |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:37pm |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Hi guys
I felt the story has a very good message surrounding the whole swine flu pandemic that really isn't. A media propaganda machine that conveniantly draws the publics attention away from the world economic crisis.
I understand what message you are trying to tell here but I feel the ending is a little confusing. What is the cooks point in killing pig flu? Is he too fooled, I think your message is a little cloudy here.
A good short though and a very relevent story. |
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michel |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 4:47pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Thanks Alffy. Hey, It's been a long time... The point is that he's a cook, and it's the proof that the pigs are harmless regadring man's health. This kind of twist is really Helio's. You know him. Always think reading a little cute story and BANG! cruelty comes back without a warning... That's Helio humour, man. Of course, that's not English humour (rather Brazilian - I could almost say of him: Excuse him, he's from Barcelona...) A far cousin rather. Thanks for the reading Michel (& Helio) |
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tonkatough |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 5:32pm |
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Been Around
LocationAustralia Posts581 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Ah yes, after those delightful visual of a pig getting gang raped by more pigs how could I not pass up on another swine flu story.
The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story. How you have done it is as blatent as on the nose dialouge. For a great example of a loaded theme woven deeply into story and not so in your face read Sniper's "The Total Awesomeness of Cars That Fucking Rock" or Stevie's script about swine flu wchich I can't recall the name of.
The good: The end how you reveal the true nature of the saviour in white. Laugh out loud funny.
A couple of funny lines of dialouge like mother sqeals: "Holy pig!" Plus when Mother pigs says to son "I love you" he reply "me too mom." |
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michel |
Posted: May 25th, 2009, 6:26pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story. |
What most of people around wouldn't guess that there's a hidden message inside. Of course, the form here is clumsy, but behind certain words, something is buried. Michel |
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