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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Holy Cat! - filmed Moderators: bert
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  Author    Holy Cat! - filmed  (currently 4222 views)
Don
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 1:54pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Holy Cat! by Michel J. Duthin - Short - Holy Cat! or How to get rid of your wife's cat. 8 pages - pdf, format




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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  December 17th, 2009, 12:01pm
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Grandma Bear
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Michel,

just read this one.

I wanted to read it because of the cat. My SoulShadows script deals with a man and a cat too.

Numerous problems with the English throughout, but I ignored that.

The story itself was pretty good and I sort of enjoyed the joke in the end. My only gripe about the end is that it seemed it was a very long build up to that joke. I would almost have preferred a more "story like" conclusion instead of a punchline.

Amy didn't really work for me at all. She was just way too meek IMO. If someone tried to do that to my cat they'd find themself staring down the barrel of my pink revolver, but that might just be me. I think she needs to put up some sort of conflict with Gary.

All in all it was pretty good. Just decide if it's a story or a joke.


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alffy
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Michel

I agree that Amy didn't react enough to her belovd cat being dragged away by Gary but I guess this was a comedy after all.  I also agree it was a bit long winded but I found the ending really funny.

Overall I liked this short, it was a easy and quick read and the ending was worth waiting for.  Good stuff.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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michel
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for your reviews. This short is a minor stuff in what I did lately. And yet, there's worse. I liked to tell a story with repetition humour.

Amy doesn't react enough because:

- she knows Gary wouldn't hurt the cat.
- she has a smart cat.

Anyway, I'm glad it entertained you. It was its only goal. I didn't try to give any message or to prove anything.

Michel


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24 Grams
Posted: June 4th, 2009, 9:16pm Report to Moderator
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Me? I always tell the truth...Even when I lie.

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Can i ask a quick question?

Did you get this story from a joke?

Because I'm sure I'm not the only one that knew what was going to happen right from the beinning...


Back Fence Talk (22pgs)

Robert Frost - “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”
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michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 1:29am Report to Moderator
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I don't know if it's a joke, but this is a story I had in my head for years.

I'd appreciate if you could give me your opinion on the script.

Thanks

Michel


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LC
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 2:48am Report to Moderator
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Well, Michel I'll give you my opinion on the script. With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed.

"Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.

You said your aim was to entertain and imo you succeeded. It was an easy read (I didn't find the set up tedious at all) in fact I enjoyed wondering what the main character was going to do next.

And I had a great "giggle" at the punchline!

Libby


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michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:03am Report to Moderator
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Hi Libby,

as for my other script "Endless Story", I'm glad to entertain even if English my first language.

Anyway, my next shorts won't be as bright and gay as my last ones. I'm currently entering a "dark" period.


Quoted from LC
With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed.
"Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.


I always loved "pictured" words. Even in French.

Glad for your "giggle".

Michel




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michel  -  June 5th, 2009, 3:13am
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michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:21am Report to Moderator
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A message from the cat BTW



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LC
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:36am Report to Moderator
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Just want to clarify: In reviewing "Lust" Stevie said :

"How can I explain better...that French aspect you put in your English gives a more authentic touch. Does that make sense?"

And the "richness" I was talking about was when I read a line in "Lust" (I think) from the main character in which he said he was leading a "rich" life "- my interpretation was that he was not-wanting/ he was fullfilled - but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.

I thought I'd reviewed Lust - must have got lost in note-pad - my bad! Anyway I hope you get what I mean. Libby



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michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
- but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.


You wrote the word that says it all "imagery". That's what I meant when I said "pictured" words. Imagery is so important when you write scripts, isn't it?

Michel


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James R
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Supper time!

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That was a pretty funny one, Michel. Nice set-up for a joke. Not sure if anyone else has asked, but how did the cat get home so quickly? I was half expecting that Amy had numerous cats hidden from Gary or something, which made the punch awesome as I was not expecting it. I laughed aloud.

The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.

Gary was a great character, very entertaining. Doesn't he know a cat lady, though? It seems like every neighborhood has a cat lady who will take in as many strays as come wandering into her house. I guess that wouldn't have been very funny, huh?

Good short, nice writing.

James


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michel
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 3:06pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks James for the reading.


Quoted from James R
The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.

Like I said above, I tried comic repetition. You can't avoid it.

Quoted Text
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour.
Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous.
Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!"
so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition
when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief



Quoted from James R
Good short, nice writing.

Like I always say, and this most of the time to the newbies, I reached my style of writing after learning here from everybody. You must know that English is not my first language. So, I will take it as a warm compliment.

Michel


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James R
Posted: June 11th, 2009, 9:30am Report to Moderator
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Supper time!

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Quoted Text
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour.
Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous.
Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!"
so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition
when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief

That's awesome, where did that come from? I've only heard of the comedy rule of three. And your English was just fine, no complaints there. I actually liked the "giggling river".

James


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michel
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks James. I found the quoted text on a forum somewhere on the net. Thought it could be interesting.

About the giggling river, it's sometimes an advantage from French expressions (which sometimes I create myself too)

Thanks for the reading anyway

Michel


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