Alf n Dick by Michael Everett - Series, Comedy - Alf N Dick is an in your face situation comedy about Alf “The Calculator” Evans, a fallen darts player who goes through life over eating and over drinking, while hoping his neighbour, Judith, will be the next love of his life, with his only friend and flat mate, Dick the weird puzzle inventor in tow.  19 pages - rtf, format

Michael,
Your long line drew me in.

Quoted from AND logline ...Alf “The Calculator” Evans, a fallen darts player who goes through life over eating and over drinking...

had me chuckling.

A PDF version would help garner some reads. Your format's a bit off. Doesn't make it unreadable but it doesn't help.

Not sure it's necesary to put your address and number on there. I think an email would suffice.

Flicking ahead, you also need to fix the punctuation and grammar.

Alright, enough of the format Nazi rountine and onto the script.

There's a lot of telling and not showing going on. I'm fine with this for a character but it'd work a lot better with more showing.

Quoted from AND DICK You have to get someone else’s blood.

Having said all that some of it did having me laughing out loud. Bizarre and witty, and rather peculiar humour, all things I like. I liked the Moped one later too. And "Like an ex regional darts champion." Judith's dialogue had me in stitches. Highly unlikely dialogue, but funny nevertheless.

My advice would be - fix the formatting, grammar and punctuation. There's loads of good advice in the Screenwriting Class on here.
Tighten up the dialogue. You've some hilarious lines in here but they're not quite enough. Lose or disguise all the exposition. Maybe go to flashbacks for backstory telling. At 19 pages you're not far a half hour slot but you'll need to add a few pages I'd say.

Best of luck with it, and thanks for giving me some good laughs.

Michael,

I wanted to chime in on your script as I read it. I got to page one and stopped for a few reasons I wanted to point out.

These are issues I have had and still have with my scripts so I wanted to point them out to you.

Story here is secondary. Format is top story and part and parcel to why I won't go to page two.

There is no page 1- not from a fromatting stand point.

In fact the formatting is completly off. You are using WORD instaed of a script writting program. Ther are some out there that are free  to cut your teeth on like CELTX.

Your first opening line is 6 lines long. Try to keep it to 3 or 4 tops. You are also explaining things that are not filmible.

Remember- Show it, don't explain it. Emotion, background, conditions of the heart- none of these can be translated to the screen.

You open with a BEAT? I'm not sure how that works. I will let someone else adress that, but it doesnt seem right.

You did not explain DICK, who is he? You did not give any information on him.

This is just a few things on page 1. There are others but I wanted to point these out.

Hope this helps.

Shawn.....><

Led,
you should have kept reading. I know you like a laugh and have a sense of humour as strange as my own. There's some great ones in here. Give it a go sometime.

rendevous,
If you like it, I am sure it has some funny stuff. I will go ahead and finish it then.

Shawn....><

This was funny, i enjoyed the dialogue all the way through. Aside from the formatting, the only gripe i had was between the first two scenes with the fade in and fade out between the same flat at the same time. Could do with something to focus on at the start of the second scene.