Stealing Credit by Jeremy D. Paige - Drama, Comedy - A group of under appriciated P.A.'s working for a home renovation reality show decide to use/steal the shows equipment. They filmm there own independant movie on the night streets of New Orleans. 112 pages - pdf, format

I was reading the log lines and of them all this one intrigued me the most, although it could be shorter, more concise. I'm thinking this could be interesting.

Then I read the first page and I got to tell you, I do not want to read anymore.

*spoilers as to why*







Right out of the gate you tell me there are improvised scenes not written, then refer to said scenes (not shown) on the first page. I don't relate to that. So I'm not in your story. I'm wondering what the heck did I miss, and I go back and find out I didn't miss anything, you did.

The dialogue is on the nose when you could have some good subtext going on. I think there would be more impact if you started with Chris' line do you remember Josh Graham?" and go from there; Chris and Jackie bitching about how long they'e been at this and this Josh swims right past them in the food chain.

Generally the first few pages will tell me if the rest is going to work (for me). The first few pages don't work for me.