The Other Me by Tyler Washburn - Short - Tyler, a struggling screenwriter, writes the life of his dreams in a bid to escape from his bleak reality. Is it enough? 12 pages - pdf, format

*Sigh* What is this? The author please enlighten me what your intention is. All I am getting is some random slice-of-life incidents. There isn't a story whatsoever. Characters just come and go. I don't understand why they came and why they left. Even with 11 pages, I lost interest half way through. Your action lines are too short, simple, and abrupt (e.g. he sighs, she rises, he leaves). You can link some of them together so the reading flows better. Good luck.

Hey Tyler, just finished reading this and I really enjoyed it... it's one of those scripts where if you rush through it you'll miss a lot.

A lot is going on in this, just wanted to ask a few questions...

1) Is the Wiseman, Tyler in the future?
2) Who's the guy smoking the cigarette with the months of the year on? I assume it's Tyler but I may be wrong. - I like the idea of burning time with this.
3) Who is abigail/abby? Is she a figment of Tyler's imagination?
4) Do you not think a young woman going into another man's house to use the bathroom is very unlikely?
5) Is Tyler you?

You've painted Tyler as a lonely man, not exactly blessed with looks but is soldiering on until the end where he thinks about ending his life (may be wrong with the pills) then nicola shows up and gives him hope...

Hope I got it, enjoyed the little mental issues running through his head, like seeing himself on TV and his mind taunting him over the voicemail. Good stuff, I enjoy writing weird things like that aswell.

Other than the very short action scenes, which I think you could re-write and make it read better to stop putting people off it like coding, because it's a shame to stop half into someone's work.

Best of luck with this.

I liked this, Tyler. It was different. I found the months on the cigarette a nice touch, even if I've no idea what that represents  Iin the beginning I thought he might be in prison of some sort along with Wise Man but see now that Wise man was a character of his imagining, simply to add to this story. It wasn't an easy read but I liked the ending, the pink toothbrush thing, and the possibility of a dream girl for Tyler becoming a reality.

Tyler,

unlikely most of the previous reviwes, I think you simply have a great script here. It's so original. Very European too. Well, I must admit that some things may have been unclear to me, but you succeeded in describing loneliness. I guess you must be very familiar with some of the included actions.

I've found a lot of myself too in it: loneliness, screenwriting, paranoia; are things ar I'm living with today. And the fact the hero finds himself ugly adds a touch of reality through all this awaken dream. I thought about David Lynch's debut.

If I was a producer, I would bet a lot of cash to see it on screen. I'm sure it would open you to higher floors (and even an Academy Award). I'm dead serious.

Congrats. I've never been so enthusiastic about a script for a very long time. I even found it superior to mines. That's a real (and sincere) compliment.

I do hope you'll find someone who's got balls enough to invest in this (weird) masterpiece.

Thanks for this pleasure.

Michel

Is the author present? Does anyone have heard of him?

Nope, hope he does though to hear his reactions.

I like the struggle Tyler goes through from a readers perspective, shows real life.

I thought I was the only one who was gonna like it after coding's response, but glad someone else didl.

It was well thought out and had a lot going through this, kind of similar lines to Fight Club, if that's okay to say?

I've read this before.  Was this submitted before under a different title?

Quoted from steven8 I've read this before.  Was this submitted before under a different title?

Yep, I read this before too. It  had a different title - "The Skin Has Limits - A Self Portrait" - & has had a few pages added. A few extra ideas added - the cigarette & 'wise man' I think. I can't really add anymore to my last comments back in March.

Tyler Jay came 'on board' last time to respond to comments. Tyler did you end up making this? It was in the pipeline I believe?

Thanks for the replies for better or worse if someone is at least reading my work then I'm one step closer to being a real writer. Now basically all the other characters are in his mind. Everyone lives there own reality in life, this like exposing someones insides. A lot of this me just playing out scenarios from my own thoughts as realities. Daydreams sort of, like the wiseman at the bus stop, that's me giving myself advice so of course it makes sense to me. Or, like when you half to meet someone and you play it out in your mind before hand. What you'll say, how they'll respond. That's what the girl who asks to use his washroom is all about. Him saving himself. It's only logical to the character it doesn't have to realistic. Sometimes I'm on the bus and I'll see a pretty girl for example and in seconds I can imagine this whole future between us. How she ll just start talking to me and we'll hit it off and the rest is history. Real human condition type fantasies. But of course we both get off the bus, go our seperate ways and probably never see each other again. Noone on the bus has any clue about the movie rolling in my head. So, this script is like a portal into the personal side of human being. The other me.

That all makes sense, Tyler.  I really like the tale.  Well told.  Is this being made?

Soon as I can afford a decent HD camera.

Quoted from Tyler Jay ...So, this script is like a portal into the personal side of human being. The other me.

I was very close then, I like the angle you brought in on this... Like I said before, similar to Fight Club. Though your character made these people appear conciously, and that is rather interesting, especially from a psychological point of view. Living life in a constant fantasy, drifting in and out to what suits him, even feeling he needs to punish himself because of his life. Interesting stuff, and came across great, even better on screen IMO.