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The End of Time by Brandon - Short, Drama - A stubborn old man whose only friend is a beta fish, reaches the end of time and discovers life in death. A character driven symbolic story about our perceptions of change and human purpose. 26 pages - pdf, format
Interesting little script, there were some definate formatting/grammar issues that you could go over for. The cops dialogue especially has a lot of typos. p 10 stagers missing a g also that clump of text is formatted oddly. bottom of pg 11 the dialogue is broken up ungrammatically.
Not sure there's much of a story here. depressed old prick gets saved by a postman and his turtle. Maybe its just the fact that i didnt really develop sympathy for the old guy. if you showed a little more of his past, instead of just showing how unwilling he is to be in the present we might buy into him a bit. Not in flashbacks or anything, but a little more about his wife, pictures, some emotion or something when alone.
Nice premise, lacking a bit in the execution, imo. I agree you could go over some of the writing. One particular block of dialogue has a period every couple of words. Once it reads smooth the story and characters will have a chance to show through better. Also didn't see anything in here about the meaning of life, as your logline says. not saying you should put it in, but you might want to adjust the logline.
Would be curious to know what you goal with this was?
Mine: HARD CASE (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...
APU (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
Brandon, I thought this was very well written. Your format was clean, the dialog was true and not over done and it seems you had a real feel for the main charactor. I kinda wish it had been longer and for someone with my attention span, thats saying a lot. Good job on this piece.