SNERT by Mark-Curtis Dunn - Comedy - Gary Keswick, nose-to-the-grindstone chief engineer at Porcupine Software, gets shafted in a divorce settlement when his spouse, pretentious Janet, hooks up with the lawyer (Harry) of an adult website (LiveBabeCams), the same company that never paid him for site construction. Smitten Janet demands outrageous alimony, driving Gary underground to Venice Beach. There, he is reunited with his old college chum, Satch, now a beach mural artist with a coterie of similar artists (Gypsy, Emmett, Bangers, and Grogan). 100 pages - pdf, format

Mark-Curtis, I've read your logline three times and I'm still very confused.

Try rewriting it taking out all the names, and the stuff in brackets. More people will read it, hopefully.

They posted the synopsis, Tommyp. The logline should read: When a geeky sofware engineer is set up for a divorce and settlement, he goes underground to revenge his losses, hacking an adult website. The website owners, underworld figures, pursue him to recoup their stolen loot.

just finished up the script. hit a bit of a road bump when francine was introduced but managed to get over it and read the whole thing.

your writing is excellent and this script is immaculate -- don't recall seeing even one typo. plus the action lines are very economical, which makes it easy to read.

what made it hard to read, however, was the dialogue and the story itself. the dialogue just seemed very unnatural, as did the gary/francine relationship. i might be alone here but very often i was thinking 'wait, what?'. kept feeling like i had missed something.

course that could just be me. lord knows i'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. hope others read and comment on it. be curious to see if anyone else gets that feeling.

all in all, though, a solidly good effort. best of luck to you with it.

Much appreciate the review.

It's taken a lot of painstaking, tedious work to whip this into shape.

Your take on Francine and Gary is nothing new. If you have a chance to see "Fred Claus" with Vince Vaughn, you'll get the gist of the dialogue I'm writing.

As for their relationship, avoiding the cliches, putting a fresh take on two people hitting on each other, that's what that is all about. If it kept you off guard, but interested, I'm happy.